I do immediately notice people’s enormous rings but only to fantasize about them being ring pops. (And vice versa.)

And, in truth, Dick Cheney was probably allowed to sit because he is legally dead.

Oh no, all the mail from the previous owner of my house goes in the trash. (I tried putting it back in the mailbox with return to sender. I tried calling the post office, explaining this guy no longer lives there. No dice. Keeps happening. So in the trash it goes.)

Absolutely true.

Don’t ever take balloons from sewer clowns, Bill Clinton.

Kit Harington’s the guy you get when Aidan Turner isn’t available.

I feel like the Netflix show would be a little less scripted...

He and Kim—noted forensics fan—are likely holed up together and will solve this case in 48 hours.

Grumpy Cat is overrated, Maru is forever.

IN ALABAMA, Y’ALL! This is good news. I hope Miss Starling receives many bottles of champagne, she deserves it.

Right. Clinton didn’t hold up Machado as a paragon of anything -- just pointed out that she is a human being with a name that Donald Trump treated horribly. And then he spent the week proving her right! Sad.

Stamina coming out of his whatever.

That’s a really old picture of Matt Lauer!!!

Chris O’Dowd tho?????

Hang in there, buddy.

How you feeling, man?

Jeb!?

Don’t have a cow, dude.

Bunnies!

It’s got to be fake, real life doesn’t usually fall under these fairy tale conditions.