"Sir, I represent Rich Little, Fred Travalena and Frank Gorshin and I'd like to hire you to appear with them in a traveling stage show called Under The Impression: An Evening of 1001 Voices."

A lifetime of mainlining Circus Peanuts will do that to a fella.

I once read on the internet that a shot of Rob Schneider actually causes AntiLaughism.

Anyone see Scharpling tweet that the AVClub was being shut down a few weeks ago (link below). It caused me legit concern for 24 hours that this site was actually being folded. T'were it some kind of inside joke or something or was he just being a dick?
https://twitter.com/scharpl…

Like fans of The Fat Jew read books. Hahahahahahahaha!

They didn't include Ninja Cat or the Viking Kittens either. Who the hell's in charge here? I wish to make a complaint!

Its actually about a bathroom stall at a rest stop on the outskirts of Surrey. Best glory hole in all of England. They even serve your fish and chips while you're there!

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I've never been to." So I said "OK, how about to a satisfying orgasm!" And then I brought her there…Ah, just kidding, I took her out to Bennigans.

In related news, my World's Greatest Grandpa mug has just been optioned as series by the Hallmark Channel.

So….footage of him is partially CGI'd in?

"Ball Park Grillmasters: 20% Less Anus, 50% More Fun"

Seeing as he appeared in a sex tape with Scott Stapp from Creed, I'd always expected nothing but well-reasoned, cogent thoughts and analysis from Kid Rock, so this is quite disappointing.

Do you consider a 30-pack of Old Style beer to be "brunch". If so, then yes.

Ah. But you see, the 1st banjo is dueling the 2nd banjo which is IN YOUR MIND!

They did it! Those crazy bastards used a time machine and finally brought back 1999-era Beck.

More like: Atlas Grabbed My Ass, Said "I Hate To See You Go, But I Love To Watch You Walk Away" And Then Shrugged.

Men's Rights Activists assemble! Form of a Cheetos-caked neck beard!

And that was just for the his & hers bidets!

I have a Kickstarter to raise money to purchase a new replacement pacemaker. The page is called Kickstart My Heart.

The only way this could be better is if the drum beats were actually samples of Benny slapping Jackie Wright on his sweet lil bald head.