Trade him to the Pats for the hottest takes in NFL history. (and because he’s a godless heathen, and we all know Belichick is Satan.)

HE IS WHO WE THOUGHT HE MIGHT END UP BEING!!!

Well, in a roundabout way, that dream scenario would actually legitimize “Process” style tanking, seeing as how Philly acquired the Lakers pick by trading away “assets” (lol MCW).  

you can’t coach tall, but you can advise them not to invade russia in the winter

seems like it would be even better to read high

“Oh, come on now D, this is much too farfetched. Gotta be more subtle about these things.”

your not the orlando ilusion

It is Winnipeg, so yes that is an accurate assessment

They’re not the Orlando Illusion

Unrelated: The Magic beat the Wizards last night.

And sadly, the Magic aren’t even the worst example of leadership by a DeVos. What a power couple.

You can reuse this same headline for the story about Jeff Hornacek getting canned.

Probably a stretch, and I know probably Calgary and Edmonton are closer, but I wonder if the Humboldt junior hockey team bus crash hasn’t made all Canadians, but especially in central Canada, even more ratcheted up for the NHL playoffs than normal. They could use some good news even as the toll of the crash continues…

WHITE POWER!

Nashville, Vegas, Tampa, Columbus conference final. Oh sweet lord the takes would be so hot.

My inner raised-on-Norris-Division-hockey nut points out that this is the first year since 1927-28 that the Red Wings, Blackhawks, and Blues have all simultaneously missed the playoffs. (Wings and Hawks both missed in 68-69, but the Blues qualified from the expansion bracket.)

God’s work, as they say.

god, how i hated starring that.

Don’t forget Chicago.

Baseball seems to be the only sport where teams get personally offended when the other team does something good against them.