Become a scientist, they said. It’s a career of quiet dignity, they said.

I can’t wait to be that old lady!

It’s so weird that Tim Robbins came out of that relationship looking like the more rational of the two. Tim Mother Fucking Robbins.

I love how he says something that’s clearly factually incorrect and then takes to Twitter to pretend he didn’t actually say the stupid thing he said, everyone else just misunderstood him.

At least now we know what would have happened had Bilbo not given the Ring to Frodo.

Hillary: I take full responsibility for the mistakes my campaign made. Also, there were external forces that shifted the final vote.

Elevators never arrive when he is waiting for one, and escalators are always broken when he is around. He always, always, always has to take the stairs.

Deep poverty and chronic illness, in a red state that has dismantled the social safety net.

This is​ the greatest GIF in the history of giffing.

I knew how hurt my family and friends would be after finding out and I didn’t want to put them through that.

Here’s a nice story about Amy Schumer, an emergency bathroom stop and a $2,000 good deed.

I saw those rocks and just imagined my vagina going “fuck you!” and sucking them right up into my uterus. And that’s how you get pregnant with rocks

You’re giving Eric too much credit.

Given what Eric looks like, and how he splutters like a shitnut when forced to speak, just imaging what the 5th Trump child locked in the Trump Tower cellar must look like.

I am no longer a practicing attorney (was for around 4 years), but reminder that attorneys have the highest rate of alcoholism of any profession. I had major issues in my fourth year and wound of leaving the profession because I was in this position. Not saying she had this issue in any way, just that it’s not…

Yeah, Aaron’s just not going to have it as good as things were with Olivia, she seems like she’ll always be the one that got away.

So our attorney general recommended that our next president seek advice from a guy being monitored by the FBI.

Accidentally severing extremities is bae

Well, I mean she is a vampire.

He was on Watch What Happens Live and I thought he was on something. But he was also on with Lisa Rinna so maybe it was just dealing with her.