My high school class was full of douchebags. I didn't go. The end.

I stayed home and jerked off instead. That's how I spend most of my major life events, really.

egads, croughdough sounds like the discharge from a long-eradicated Victorian venereal disease.

"I wasn't doing ANYTHING and the guy just started punching me!"

Can we call a moratorium on people saying "it's not the Hall of Very Good"? Yeah, no kidding, it's not the Hall of Great either, dipshit, it's the Hall of Fame. At least say something consistent like "it's not the Hall of Anonimity!" You'll still sound like a moron, but at least you'll seem literate.

What gets me is high-fiving every ATTEMPT! You should not high-five somebody for missing an uncontested shot from a set, standard distance. They don't need your support or encouragement and should instead feel isolated and full of shame.

Of course, now that Cosby has been accused of all these crimes, they show a picture of him dressed like a "thug" with a hooded sweatshirt and making some sort of weird "gang sign" with his eyes. Typical media sensationalism.

If he thought that was bad, wait until he sees Eric Lindros get inducted into the team Hall of Fame tonight.

Let me sum up the Washington Redskins. As long as Snyder owns this team they will never win.

If you tell me me you "rescued" a dog then you'd better have a story about the burning building you ran into or the daring midnight raid that was involved. Otherwise you just picked it up. I have family members who take in foster kids without saying shit, but for dog people having just one animal in their life they…

This Blogger Is The Worst Thing On Gawker

I actually WANT to be on Third Grade Twitter. It is several notches, intellectually, above grown up Twitter.

When my daughter was 4, she was making a verbal list of things she was thankful for. This quote was in the middle of the list:

The fact that she didn't list a Kardashian or Taylor Swift means you've done your job as a father

Auto-bids shouldn't be in the play-in game. A team that finished 7th or 8th or 9th in their conference should be in the play-in game.

Two.

Wait...wait...wait...

You know how read a story about an interesting person, and you feel like you can go share a beer with them, shoot the shit, and have an awesome time just hanging out with them.

As an avid fan of stand-up comedy, Tosh isn't that bad... All I'm saying is that when you have the respect of a comedian like Louis C.K., then you're doing something right. And if you're cool with him being bashed for solely making shallow observations about other people's videos, then what the fuck is this site…

Yes, I've forgotten that Deadspin never prints stories based purely on speculation and rumor.