When one of my kids calls me mommy, they’re either sick or about to tell me something they did that they shouldn’t have.

The English really need to take a lesson from America.

If I knew the family, I’d insist on calling the child Balki. It’s a lot closer than Bo. But then they’d probably refuse to speak to me, and we’d become Perfect Strangers.

Years ago, I had an actual irl fallout with a friend claiming “lucifer” is just a beautiful name for a child. They kept shouting that the name Lucifer means “giver of light”...

My brood shall only refer to me by my title, Progenitor. I would not want them to forget that they sprung from my ample and generous genitals.

Still better than the billion names that rhyme with Aiden we’ve been getting for the past 20 years.

My college roommate called his grandfather “Humpa.” Millennial dads, you’re doing it wrong if your kid isn’t calling you “Humpa.”

This might be the most hipster paragraph ever:

Pater and Mater.

Balthazar? Axel? Afton? That’s quite enough now, please stop.

No. Papa is Grandpa.

The point is that it isn’t poorly edited or translated or re-edited. This is how the next president talks.

Except that he promised to visit Pakistan. Which actually is an important diplomatic act. Obama refused to visit Pakistan to show his discontent with the inability of their leaders to control the Taliban and their continued aggressive acts towards india. Did he consciously mean to reverse long-standing US foreign…

Is it just me or does Trump’s wording sound like a Nigerian scam email?

Also make him take a test to determine if he’s a radical christian.

Dollars to donuts this is the exact same conversation he’s had w/ every world leader he’s talked to. My guess is he has his aides hold up poster board with the name of the country that he’s talking about so he doesn’t forget.

They should probably vet him before he visits. Then put him through some advanced interrogation, just to determine what his intentions are. Then if necessary, place him in some sort of camp until they determine what to do with people of his kind.

Yep. Some asshole yesterday was mocking people for being concerned about Roe v. Wade being overturned. Like what the fuck do you think TRAP laws are designed to do? Most men could give two shits about abortion access and think it’s this dumb issue we globbed on to cuz Bernie called planned parenthood the…

Yes! All those donations Mike Pence made to PP will be put to good use. Bless that generous man.

Like with the ACA, or food stamps, or subsidised housing, Republicans always seem to know what they hate, but have absolutely no idea what they’d want instead, because the root issue is still going to be there.