You take a carrot, the carrot dies. He didn’t want to be “vampiric.”

I have met a real life fruitarian (although I’m pretty sure he pronounced it “fruitatarian” and dude was NUTS. He’d walk around in little short shorts with no shirt on and often shoeless, big wild crazy hair (very new age/hippy vibes) and would go on and on about how amazing his diet is and how much fruit he eats. I’m…

Is anyone else bothered by the use of certain euphemisms for genitalia? I know someone who refers to her kids’ vagina/penis as “naughty bits,” and it makes me kinda nauseous.

Each of these photos is hilarious if you replace the last noun in their inane commentary with “cocaine”:

My mom used to have this friend who was a close talker and she’d back me into things talking to her because I’d inch back to protect the integrity of my space bubble and she’d inch forward. Once this resulted in me kind of awkwardly bending backward over the couch while she leaned into my face. NO.

What the fuck happened to this dude

WHYYYYY DO THEY KEEP REMOVING PURSE HOOKS FROM BATHROOMS??

11:25 am is lunch.

I wish I lived where you do.

Girl, read the book by Rebecca Skloots. It will change your life.

I’ve had really really good luck with the stila liquid lipsticks, and the smashbox velvet matte liquid lipsticks. For what it’s worth. The Smashbox applicator is especially great.

Sweet jesus, how great is that GIF?

Obviously I’m not part of her medical or legal team but she’s probably doing “well” because she has that structured support and control that the conservatorship provides. We don’t actually know the exact details of everything that is wrong with her.

I actually enjoyed my first and only time serving on a jury, though it made me painfully aware that a jury of my peers is not who I want judging me. I thought the whole process was entirely interesting, though my fellow jurors were dumb as rocks. The whole thing ended up having to be retried because one of the jurors…

You guys, it is so fucking hot in Chicago right now you can get dehydrated by just looking outside. These teens have no chance.

Even if she did sue, it would still be a Kardashian win. A lawsuit like that could be a whole season’s worth of episodes, if not an entirely new show.

He thought it would be just bitchin’ to cut the brake lines on a school bus. Not even remotely joking about that. That’s after he stole from a liquor store and went on a vandalism spree. Dude is a fucking psychopath.

CAN WE ALSO TALK ABOUT HOW THE SIZE AND SHAPE OF ONE’S LABIA HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE AMOUNT OF SEX ONE HAS???