I went grocery shopping with one of my best friends once. I had to pee, we pushed our carts to the bathroom and she stayed out with our carts as I went into my stall. I heard the door open again and looked at the feet in the stall next to mine. It was my best friend’s feet. I decided we should play footsie, because…

That literally took me one second! Apparently, the story was recycled not so long ago. Here you go!

I stalked Ted to a men’s room door in NH to get an interview. And I got it. Teach you to take a piss in New England motherfucker.

I was at JFK airport peeing in a stall when a Middle-Eastern woman in a burka swung open the faulty door. She saw me and screamed like she had just seen Manson in my vagina. When I came out to wash my hands she glanced in my direction, eyebrows furrowed, utterly scarred by what she had witnessed. Trying to calm the…

As a mother who had needed to use the toilet with a baby who has nowhere else to sit, it is totally possible to hold a baby, text, and go to the bathroom at the same time.

Honestly the timing of this isn’t just spooky.

I don’t know if this really counts as “public” but when I was in the Navy, the aircraft carrier I was on made a port call in Karachi, Pakistan. We had been out to see for something like 45 days, and everyone was a bit stir crazy. On the way in, as they usually do, the public relations department made repeated…

I was 17 (18 maybe?) years young working at a Starbucks when we were visited by a couple we soon came to know as the Mocha Frap Couple. Their MO was as follows: order a Venti Mocha Frap, proceed to the restroom while the drink is being made, smear handfuls of human feces they had brought with them in a plastic market…

When I worked at a Jimmy Johns sub shop some years ago, we had a regular who would come in, order the tuna salad with sprouts on wheat, then take it into the bathroom and eat it. Maybe he just needed privacy to enjoy his gross sandwich? Nope—Tom walked in on him one day and the guy was taking a shit while eating his…

I went on a date once, and I was invited by the woman back to this incredible loft where she was dog-sitting for out-of-town friends.

Once I walked into a public bathroom at work that usually has a tiny little garbage can next to the toilet for throwing away used pads/tampons. Someone before me had knocked it over, though, because there were pads and tampons all over the floor in various states of toilet paper unwrap and bloodiness.

Anytime someone is talking on the phone when I’m in a restroom, I flush. I think it’s only polite to the person on the other end of the call to let them know.

This may or may not count because it’s secondhand, but my dad shared this one and he is not a man prone to exaggeration or lies just for the sake of a good story.

Working maintenance for state parks, I saw some shit (literally.) One time, a toilet was clogged so bad that we had to call in a plumber, who couldn’t come until the next AM. We covered the toilet with cardboard, taped it down, locked the door of the stall from the inside, then climbed over the door and put a large…

It’s not my story, but you all still deserve to let it linger in your heads as it does in mine. My boyfriend was at work when a stomach issue began and so he trotted over to the company restroom to let loose. It was so ferocious, as he told it to me later, that as soon as he pulled down his pants it hit everywhere. It…

When I was 9, my mom took me to classes called “the body shop” where I learned how to restrict my calories and dress in dark colors to look skinnier - I had a workbook and homework and everything. When I was 16, my grandfather informed me that I needed to lose weight “for the good of the family.” Over the years, I…

This is how “fat” Alicia Machado was:

Trump and Gingrich have six wives between them as well as three confirmed affairs. I’m not inclined to listen to them on anything.

Personally, I simply want to reduce the vaping community down to the size where I can drag it into the bathroom and drown it.