People are always mispronouncing “Mayonnaise” - the correct pronunciation is “Fatty-puss”.

Oh please. Clarence Thomas would make himself 3/5ths of a person if he could. 

Look, I’m forward-thinking - I accept that people like her didn’t choose to celebrate christmas, and that they were just born that way. What I don’t understand is why they just have to be so flamboyant about it. Like, can’t you do your christmas stuff behind closed doors, and not throw it in all of our faces? I’m…

When you’re spreadin’ needless hurt, and your shorts are full of dirt:

She does have kind of a “boy, hope no one heard that” look there, doesn’t she.

Likewise, it is my sincere Christmas wish that she blow all of this straight out her ass.

This is Captain Tater Tot Purrcard who we got in May.

So wait - all it takes to undermine those “strong,” “proud” and “assertive” “alpha” males that Fox and their audience lionize and put on a pedestal, is a few harmless jokes or running gags from their partners?

Gisele is a delight and their relationship is adorable. Fuck off, Fox News.

I swear anytime Drake is mentioned it baffles me how people think this guy is cool

Is anyone surprised that Candace Cameron, KIRK CAMERON’S SISTER, could be a religious bigot? And her husband is Russian (famous for their tolerance) and his hockey position was RIGHT WING? OK the last part is a joke, but seriously... had no one asked her until now?

It would be an interesting test...Republicans are so good at pulling together and voting for whoever’s on the ballot (total moron, no problem) in order to win. One wonders if that sheeplike instinct would win out over their weird-ass love for Trump, or if Trump would finally be the thing that broke the GOP’s…

If Trump lost in the primaries, I wouldn’t put it past him to run third-party out of spite & split the vote.

There really isn’t any way for the GOP to ditch him and have any chance whatsoever at the Presidency in 2024.

“... As long as that orange piece of shit can stand on a stage and speak semi-coherently...”

I have enough hate in my body to go around, trust me, no one will be left wanting.

I know this is primarily humorous, but there are plenty of affordable ice molds which come in a huge variety of shapes and sizes. Adding espresso, juice, fruit or other flavorings and colorings doesn’t have to be a huge expense either. This all is just really the homemade popsicle molds of 2020's. My own are just poor…

He’s gen Z’s version of Jimmy Fallon.

Tell Kim. I want her to know it was me.