I tried really hard not to feel involved or invested in this trial—I don’t know anything about this relationship and I don’t want to assume innocence or guilt when such horrifying accounts of domestic violence exist on both sides.

Elon just needs to work harder.

I would love, just once, when these abjectly stupid arguments are presented, for a journalist or judge or whoever to just take a moment of silence, take a deep breath, and ask the person, “Do you think I’m stupid?”

And it's not like anything is going to happen to her anyway. There are no consequences anymore. 

I guess I don’t understand why they’re trying to spin it at all. I mean, she said. It’s a term that means something to her base of support. She’s hardly alone in her use of it to attack anyone who disagrees with her. Why act like it means anything other then how she meant it?

I just don’t see how the optics improve by…

And that unannounced actor?

But sharing naked videos of someone without their consent is objectively bad

If he keeps this up, it'll soon be illegal to say his name in Florida schools.

We are done listening to your lies. We bought them for a little bit. We thought you guys actually believed in what we were standing for and we actually believed you were going to do what we asked you to do as our representatives.

Fuck anyone who said “Hillary and Trump are the same” in 2016. Fucking nightmare.

In the spirit of Carvana’s insulting offer for my car, I will offer to buy the company for $10,000. The offer comes with a free bonus of spamming their inbox constantly asking if they want to sell for basically nothing.

I went to my GP a few years ago, and she had a thing sitting on the counter with questions and levers you could move to show your answers and it at the end it would indicate whether your testosterone was too low. I read the questions and moved the levers and it turned out that my testosterone was too low for a man my…

No matter how much you tan your balls, it still won’t be like a Black guy’s junk.

Ahhh the boys version of this nonsense has come around now... so testosterone, much manly...

I see people in my neighborhood getting McDonalds delivered, and all I can think is “why are you like this?”.

I’m not sexually attracted to Turturro, but he is a great character actor (I ignore the “Transformers” unpleasantness), and since you seem so wound up for him: don’t forget his very best performance ever, in Miller’s Crossing.

...for her stunning performance in G.I. Jane II

DJ Jazzy Jeff

To quote Almodóvar: The devil, in fact, doesn’t exist.

This sounds a bit like Michel Gondry or Taika Waititi after pounding a 4-pack of Red Bulls (or the French/Kiwi equivalent). I am on board with it. I should probably check out Swiss Army Men at some point.