“Using this Price Is Right wheel, can you tell us how many times Trump made your anus pucker up, Mr. Tillerson?”

I have a feeling that Fox News and our Racist Uncle Facebook Rant will make way too much hay of the fact that this suspect's name is Eric Holder.

1) If I enjoy a restaurant, I don’t need GrubHub. I call them direct, or if they don’t have delivery I call them for pick-up.

She’s the concept of white tears manifested in human drag.

You magnificent bastard, you.

Now that we’ve established DJT will do exactly what someone better than him has warned against, let’s get Pelosi to say "Mr. President, don't stick your tongue in a power outlet!" And also get Fox & Friends to hawk some kind of candy-flavored electrical outlet covers. 

FOR THE LAST TIME, IAIN, THIS IS NOT FUCKING SHARKNADO 6

I think we all misunderstood how the perpetual commute hell in Snowpiercer came about.

Stealth?

Are you trying to make Donald cry? Because if it works, more please.

If any Democrats go down to FL, they better be doing get-out-the-vote drives, suing the FL Secretary of State, and doing whatever Andrew Gillum recommends, which would be the first two things anyways.

I hope Andrew Yang takes up the equal time offer, because I would love to see the complaints about foreskin and “that oriental” all over next year’s Deadspin complaints recap.

Shit, this is easy: just keep the take where Craig takes his spill, film him getting shot in the head by a henchman, then have M and Q go to a vault that says “Break In Case Of Emergency” and bust the glass. Inside the vault: wax figures of Lazenby, Connery, Moore, and Dalton, plus Actual Edris Elba. Turn this shit…

After eating this sandwich, does the diner immediately ask for the manager?

Fuck that. If someone can’t read or can’t argue with good faith, that person is not owed respect or consideration. Feelings and “owns” are not substitutes for reality.

Every time I see a new bad-faith, out-of-context slamming of someone, I wonder if anyone thought to start their rejoinder with “Maybe you should learn to read better, and when you’ve reach age-appropriate reading skills you will see that...etc.”

Which explains why the kid ended up swan-diving into a pile of cocaine afterwards.

Arya getting to that horse took so long I thought a Baby Groot version of the Night King was gonna jump out and get revenge.

What's more American than millions of Americans gathering on July 4th and shouting in unison: "FUCK YOU DONALD".

Also bears mentioning: Sir Lee claimed to be a direct descendant of Charlemagne and released a fucking metal album.