Cry not for Tim. He made his choice.

If any pokemon is for fucking, it's Dikachu.

Marc Maron's WTF with him was pretty great, but maybe the best part of it was that Brooks got to taking about Carl Reiner and told him, paraphrasing, he's doing pretty well, he's at about 80 percent.

Maybe she's just doing a long performance art character study of an insufferable asshole?

His wife is Asshole Brown. He changed his name from Dick White when they got married.

What's stopping you? They keep doing it.

"What do we have on the execution docket for this month, Sammy?"

Because he's the 1 percent's rich man's poor man's Mormon Don Draper.

Just make sure you don't cross Netflix with Amazon Prime. It would be bad.

Comcast is a real Bradley Hitler-Smith.

Who, Bradley Hitler-Smith?

I was in the exact same boat a few years ago. Was crippled by anxiety and a religious upbringing and had gone far longer than most without losing my virginity. I met and started dating my girlfriend online, she came out to visit me, and when things started happening, I couldn't finish. Many tears and questions and…

Glad to hear things are a little better, Lemon. Don't beat yourself up over the improv class. There will be others (and there may actually be other options depending on the size of the town you live in). Maybe there are other activities to fill your Sundays too — movie night with friends? Gym? Museum day? Writing?…

I 100 percent feel you on the friends thing. It's so hard for me to make friends that I rarely ever have more than one at a time, and basically every friend I've ever had I've pushed away by being too needy and expecting too much. My girlfriend insists that several people we both know are my friends, but to me,…

I wouldn't recommend throwing a cat. They're all claws and fangs when airborne.

Glad to hear it! In a somewhat related anecdote, we lost our elderly dog last week after efforts to nurse him back to health were unsuccessful. So my girlfriend did some digging and found a lady giving away puppies from a dog she rescued, and we picked them up on Saturday. Nothing helps soothe the loss of an old…

Jesus titfucking christ, yes. Every heavy adult person knows what they look like, has most likely tried desperately to change it (especially women) and likely grew up heavy. Pointing it out is like saying to someone in a wheelchair, "I know you say your legs don't work, but have you tried walking? Maybe we could go do…

Whenever I have to receive medical treatment, I demand that whoever's attending to me not be a fan of Two And A Half Men. I'll be god damned before I let some halfhead treat my injuries.

Eh. Depends on how you look at it. A lot of my friends from college are far more successful than I am, but I've come to accept that everyone is secretly miserable no matter how well they seem to be doing externally. We're all just self-aware monkeys trying to make the bad feelings go away.

Sheep and koalas. What do I win? Please tell me it's a batch of syphilis medication!