How do we filter out the teases?

They have an odd rubric for things that are easy to listen to.

I don't think it's a stretch to say that there's literally no way Eddie could have won Last Comic. It would be like appointing Howard Zinn as the spokesperson for McDonald's.

In the manner of our fathers and their fathers before them, I must wish a fittingly retro case of CancerAIDS upon you for this shameless "stealth" first.

Nope. I'll have none of this revisionist history. Kid Rock has always been one of our greatest monsters.

Days, centuries. Who's counting?

As Jesus Condom would want? I've heard he was stabbed in the ribs — for HER pleasure.

You're the only person here who gives a single shit about Michael Moore.

Hyuuuuungh. Why'd you have to remind me?

I can't describe the blind rage the phrase "we were smoking funny things" sparks in me, down in the inky void where a normal person's soul would be. What the fuck were you smoking, Kid Rock, you dumb motherfucker? If you tell me it's pot, I will lose my fucking shit, so it better be the exhumed remains of Pryor or…

I hate that part. Kid Rock obviously doesn't have a soul.

I need to hear more of this story right now. Where did they send you? Are you still religious? If not, how did you get out? What did you do with the 15 identical uniforms after your mission was over? Did you have a partner? Did you have to resort to cannibalism? I HAVE TO KNOW.

What, like some kind of Elliott Smith suppository?

Although weirdly, a lot of the people who got eliminated were pretty fucking good comics. Todd Glass, Myq Kaplan, James Adomian, Amy Schumer. Even Doug Benson was on one season.

She talked one time on some podcast — I couldn't tell you which, because my head is full of thousands of hours of people's voices — that she would sometimes have people come up to her and go, "I didn't really get most of your act, but that thing about women having a system was really funny."

You would, you sick bastard. He already has 17 peeves in his basement.

Russell Peters?

Eh. It's a little lazy, but if you put a gun to my head, I'd say at least 85 percent of working comics carve out of a niche like that and just spend their careers catering to a specific audience or doing general material for club audiences. And then I'd ask why you're so ginned up about it as to threaten me with…

It's really a matter of which group of barely functional shut-ins you trust more.

Yeah, I agree. She's not untalented, but her writing holds her back. I was hoping that she would grow from the promise of War Paint, because she was still relatively new to comedy when she taped that (give or take five years, iirc), but had a kind of artificial career boost from winning Last Comic Standing.