Finally, we know Herman Cain's true identity.

Are you talking about Mr. Hutchinson? Of Best Week Ever fame?

I loved his TV show, "Pie, Minister."

Please, sir and/or madam. Exercise a little verbal restraint. Andy Daly was burgled.

Have to agree with your top pick, because Dimebag Darrell was crushing it this year. His explorations of the afterlife with Pete Holmes were unparalleled. I don't think Norriscast Radio belongs on this list, as it's too much of a Huckabee lovefest for my tastes. I think we can all agree that Whatever Kills Bieber is…

Enter Serial

Podmass 2014: The Legend of Koenig's Gold.

Jesus, man.
*places blanket around Astronaut Mike Dexter's shoulders*
Children are our third-worst living humans. Their shitty parents are second. Dick Cheney remains, as ever, in a first-place tie with child molesters and people who write "could of."

It's a magical place.

There's also Twitter.

One loathsome former classmate of mine keeps tagging every fucking photo of her stupid fucking kids with #phdtoddler and #phdbaby. I think she's working on a doctorate. I don't care enough to look into it. But I don't remove her because the hatebuzz off seeing one of those generates enough energy to keep the lights on…

What other circumstances could such a scenario possibly include?

As denizens of the Internet are wont to do, I must correct your spelling, sir. It's OBUMMER!?!?!?!?. Some may refer to him as an Emperor, with his consort MOOCHELLE.

Sarcasm is the devil's tone.

This guy. This guy here. This guy is like the bizarro Ron Swanson.

I've trained some mail delivery ferrets. Results so far have been… erratic.

This comment is fine, but it's not my "favorite."

Stranger things have happened. Such as anyone voluntarily fucking Shia LaBeouf.

You know, there are ways to avoid performing cometlingus on someone.

The suction of Christ compelled him.