Suffering-driven savings are my religion.

Shellfish and cloven hooves are out this season! Stabbing people with tent spikes and left-handed assassins are in!

It fails the Bechdel test in the most spectacular way possible.

"AV Club, I'm gonna teach you how to live."
"We met at the urinal."

Well, there's no accounting for hipsters, but you have a good point.

Sure. Plenty of otherwise useless individuals have made careers out of it. We call them yoga instructors, confused grandmothers who just got on AOL, and Fox News pundits.

An acquaintance of mine goes to Joel Osteen's church unironically. The mind reels.

Oooooooo, I love their song about pregnant women being smug.

Something something "Devil's Tampon."

Finally, my "GOD LOVES CHEAP SHIT MADE BY CHILDREN" billboard will get a little traction.

Anyone who predicts that is a charlatan. Or a Cubs fan. But who's counting?

I don't think you want to get into "rational basis for belief" territory 'round these parts with your tribal mysticism.

I read it as that she's playing the white Christian's wife.

I could never correct Core Concept.

Lay/lie is especially treacherous, and I don't fault anyone for slipping up on it. When you try to teach it to a non-native English speaker, you realize how fucking dumb our language is.

Eh. Not the first list I've been on.

Aaaaaaaaaand what if the historical Jesus, if he did exist, was just a political rabblerouser who said some nice things and you spent all those years trying not to touch yourself for no reason?

Why can't it be both?

Michael Richards is my guru.

"Were," because it's the subjunctive tense.