Haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate hate

“A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.”- Mitch Hedberg

It’s keeping your feet dry, isn’t it? Ungrateful kids these days.

Peanut shells... rose petals... what’s the difference, right?

All those innocent stories my great aunt Cindy told us about waking up early to get the Strawberry jam make sense now. I knew there were no strawberry bushes at the god damn ballpark.

Draw-ring.

It took me a second to get this, but well done. A real Sleeper of a comment.

Time to take him out backbackbackbackbackbackbackbackbackbackbackbackbackback

I guess having grown up with Berman shades my view a bit, but I don’t mind him for some reason. He’s like your crazy, racist uncle. You don’t necessarily like him, and maybe he stole your girlfriend one time, but you just continue to tolerate him until they inevitably put him in a home.

I don’t know about you, but I take comfort in that.

Don’t worry, pardner. Somewhere, out there, there’s a guy takin’ it easy for all of us. Keepin’ that dream alive. A hero. A dude.

Don’t worry, bowling dies a little more every time Bowlmor buys another center.

it’s a good reminder that memory is fallible and that the media loves pouncing on fun stories with little-to-no fact checking

“THERE ARE DOZENS OF US! DOZENS!” Dr.Tobias Onyongo Funke

Meanwhile at your local gym

Why spend millions when you've got all that Kohls cash?

Vegans can’t eat Parm. (Which is good ‘cos more for me.)

Ah, come on. He’s not that bad. Cut the guy some slacks.

Much better than my “Morelike OW Ming, amirite??”

Rumor has it she’s partial to Porsche.