Cubs are back to 27 games over .500 and sport a 10.5 game lead over the Cardinals in the NL Central. After an abysmal July during which the Cards closed to within 6.5 games they’ve returned to their dominant ways. Cards are tied with the Marlins for the 2nd wild card and are still below .500 at home.

No. Go to your room and think of what you’ve done.

I’ve done that. What did he shoot on the back nine?

The sad part is, prior to shooting 58, he was on nobody’s watch list.

there you go again with that #allbearsmatter bullshit

False. Black bear.

Let’s be honest, it was never really ours to begin with.
Good bears.

I realize how that comes off. But please believe that there was negative joy to be had in watching this team.

Because the Joker would just be considered a regular guy in Florida.

[Sarah Jessica Parker joke]

I didn’t know about Beijing but as for the other two, I think you could classify those incidents as terrorism directly targeting the Olympics. In Rio it just seems that the Olympics were so poorly prepared that people will die

Just wait until an athlete is set on fire, and is then puked on to put out the fire.

I’m not super clear on Canadian football rules. Does he have to say sorry to the opposing team now?

“95 yards? He clearly got the ball at the 15 yard line, bro.”

No surprise here. In Asia most dogs end up being really good sliders.

Figures we get this headline today—this was, like, yesterday’s news in China.

Listen, we can all enjoy Dicky jacking as many dongs as he wants, but deep down we know that shaft wouldn’t be worth a sack of balls against the Big Unit.

I'll add another: never tell your kids YOUR internet aliases/pseudonyms. Unless you want to have the "Daddy, why did you call Kobe Bryant a 'worthless fucking cumbucket of a ballhog who does a worse job of giving up the rock than Whitney Houston' on Deadspin today?" talk....

Somewhere out there, you know there is a clueless parent who didn't bat an eyelash when their 6-year-old named the goldfish LiveJasmin.

I'm not playing with y'all motherfuckers up there and I'm very serious about that.