"Basically I just want everyone to make tacos all the time. Tacos tacos tacos."

And yet, you never teach us how to make great tacos.** You're just a big mean judgmental father who yells at us for not doing the things you never ask us to.

**before someone says, "That's because tacos are easy to make," consider that…

"Hey, what are you doing? I'm just pulling pranks. You Ken Tarr est me for that!"

WDIV deeply regrets the error, and apologizes sincerely to Mandela (pictured) and his family

Such a bad game even the announcers didn't feel like going.

You god-damned bet I do.

For my alcoholic buddy, I got him a framed picture of his family, but I didnt let him keep it. Everytime we go out and get shitfaced, I pull out the picture and say "SEE?!! THis ISS theFAMLY U YER DESTROYIMNG ASSHOLE!!!" Then he breaks down into tears and sobbing, and I drink the rest of his beer while he's not…

It appears we've already given one drinker a gift of an easily written column. Jesus, is this what counts as a writer these days? Sign me up!

At least Burneko actually GIVES us a list, even with no explanation. This article is literally "hey guys, list some stuff in the comments section. Thanks."

"Oh man, I bet there was pepperoni in there." [cums again]

The Hulk does goatse.

Wait a minute...you just said it was 1st down!!

Wait until this is cross-posted on Gizmodo and the hordes trip all over each other informing us how shitty Beats By Dre headphones are.

A joke in bad taste about a recent tragedy on Deadspin? Alert the authorities.

I wasn't there, obviously, so I don't know. But I heard it was a different suspect altogether.

Briskey recognized her horrible mistake the instant she saw that Shepherd did in fact bleed crimson.

Those guys did not see that coming

You mean Sasha Obama Bieber?

I'd guess that the median Deadspin commenter is a 34-year-old white male with middle-to-high income but also above-average alcohol consumption. So we're taking about a remaining live expectancy of 47 years, give or take. My best guess is that you'll die in 2060, perhaps just a few days before Sasha Obama wins her…