If this shit doesn’t win an Oscar then fuck the Oscars. This will be our generation’s Citizen Kane, bank on it.

I cannot wait for the YouTube videos.

When you read Kotaku longform stories, you get news!

Wait, did I just read at the start there is an unannounced, new BioShock game in development? Or was this common knowledge?

I for one can’t wait for something, ANYTHING, to happen. my liver and kidneys can’t take any more abuse.

Lol I haven’t and I bet they are cute as hell. But man, no joke, they really were everywhere. I felt like I couldn’t have a cigarette and a glass of wine on my patio in peace. I was like what do you want?! I have no trash?!

No joke, about four years again in my city it was the summer of the satanic raccoons. Those bitches were everywhere. My best friend was walking her dog and a whole pack chased her ass. I was outside having a cig one night and they started eying me like a motherfucker. Don’t sleep on raccoons, y’all.

A raccoon gif party is the best kind of party!

I thought that was Kellyanne.

I got really excited to share a meme, only to realize it’s of an opossum. I’m going to share it with you anyways 😄

Raccoon gif party!

On that note, totally human-alien hybrid:

I just want you all to imagine what Fox news is like right now in a universe where Obama is;

Three sources familiar with the investigation said the findings Mueller has collected on Trump’s attempts to obstruct justice include: His intent for firing former FBI Director James Comey; his role in the crafting of a misleading public statement on the nature of a June 2016 Trump Tower meeting between his son and…

“Flop around on and sweat all over”. Pardon me while I go barf up my breakfast.

I can’t believe that I live in a world where Donald Trump can find a near-unlimited number of women to flop around on and sweat all over.

He’s paid for a few abortions too, I’ll wager.

Frankly, if a long time sex-addict like Donald Trump - who was definitely raw-dogging Stormy Daniels, hasn’t fathered at least a few children out of wedlock, I’d have to say that someone needs to explain the birds and bees to me again.