they key phrase in freaky friend fiction is fiction, but you actually seem like up to 11 mad so i’m sorry for teasing.

and then he and i will get married and have goofy ginger children and hopefully they get my eyes and height and his talent and i will raise them in england so they have charming accents

He most likely has spent thousands of... whatever currency they use in The Shire (Turnips? Boring anecdotes? Bits of wood?) to look like that. Every wisp of that strawberry-blonde atrocity has been carefully strewn by trained -and hopefully morose- professionals to make him look like Mumford & Sons tried to make love…

KARA YOU ARE WRITING IT YOURSELF YOU ARE DOING THIS FOR ME

I audibly gasped and then my cat meowed at me

Shut up Ed!

I don’t think you meant to put a comma there. And there needs to be an exclamation point at the end.

Obligatory.

We’ve had more wasps this year too and they are ruining everything. We haven’t been able to eat outside all summer. Thank goodness for having a trailer to take camping. They even came into my house last night through a crack in my sliding door and descended upon the chicken noodle soup.

In other news, France Still Full of French People

Queen wasps have now stopped laying, meaning that rather than having to constantly bring food to the infants in the nests, worker wasps are left without anything to do.

Ugh, yes. I went out for drinks last weekend and some dudebro came in and started grabbing the shoulders of various women (myself included) and was aggressively massaging them—- just briskly going from woman to woman doing that. I was in shock when it happened to me and just stood there, mouth agape. A little later I…

This dickhead is probably allergic to “crunchy” too.

Do you know anything about me? I sell monogramed thermoses for God’s sake!

[Curtin] said he acknowledged putting a condom on during a “consensual encounter.” However, Labrie told the detective he abruptly left the girl after a moment of “divine inspiration.”

“When talking to police about the allegation, Curtin said, Labrie often sidetracked conversations to mention his accomplishments in school. He sent her his college essay, and at one point asked, “Do you know anything about me?”

You were highly privileged to experience True Acting™. As evidence, I offer this masterclass:

I wanted to ask her why she felt that way but I had a feeling her answer would just anger me even more.