OK, see, this story is one I'd absolutely print from a customer's perspective because that's hilarious.

They cry too because they have nothing better to do than fuck with you. Babies do not give a shit about you before they really start to learn empathy, which is around 3.5 to 4 years old. They are shocking little assholes for a long time.

I think it's a tongue-in-cheek joke. He's deflecting interest in his kid while trying to calm down the story about his Grammy outburst.

The image of him reading Twitter to her as a bedtime story is glorious.

Yes I'm sure she understands everything that is written and spoken about her father.... except for the fact she's not even two years old, and has the word comprehension and attention span of a... wait for it.. TWO YEAR OLD.

Jamie Dornan? Are you serious? He's like 1000x hotter with facial hair. He's one of those men who seems perpetually jowly without it.

Queue up all your brother fucking jokes: Game of Thrones' Lena Headey is having a baby!