I can shit into a bag, drunk or not. Never done it, but I’m confident in my abilities. I’m not going to run home and try it out or anything, but alls I’m saying is, you need a bag filled with some shit, I can do it for you. Ziploc, target bag, one of those gift bags specifically for wine bottles, I’ll hit the bottom…

Something about this story doesn’t smell right. I mean, Lochte is no whiz kid, but how is “they were asked to use the bathroom” where this story starts? Something pissed off either the gas station or the swimmers before that. And then why leak the robbery story? Did someone text them “ur in trouble” and they did that…

I am a frozen yogurt-handed millennial. My father berated me until I developed a violent and terrible handshake FOR MEN. Now when I shake hands with other millennials (never do this, btw) I hear their knuckles crack, and then I feel bad because I am a weak-willed overly empathetic millennial puke baby.

Millenials: Shake hands like a damn man. The next time I have to grab some limp-ass fish hand I’m going to just make you bow before me like the peasant you are with your puke grip.

Chris’s commentary reads as if Charles Bukowski was an Eagles fan.

I once worked for an executive who farted with reckless abandon. It was a power move and he was so high up no one could call him out on it. No “excuse me” or apology. Absolutely nothing. This is my career goal.

As many as you want. The real question is: How many coworkers SHOULD you bone?

Am I the only one who took the ‘O’ in “BYOB” literally? I’m thinking, if I’m the only one drinking it, who cares if it’s already open?

I had to read that twice.

You really need a random internet guy to tell you not to wipe piss off a toilet rim with your goddamn sock? This country really is going down the tubes.

I think she is hotter without the makeup, especially in the case of the last 2 photos. Let your natural beauty shine! Don’t let anyone tell you that you NEED makeup.

Sort of makes you ask yourself what that kind of stat is actually good for?

Oh great, jellyfish have learned how to post internet comments.

Starting it off early this year.

Gentlemen, you can’t fight here. This is the war room.

Your friend sounds like an idiot.

I’m in the funbag!!!!!

Now there's a bizarro pic for you - a Dick kissing a priest!