Any use of the word “betwixt” is an automatic +1.
Add “the cheeks” and you’re in Godhood territory.

I sold my '89 last year. That thing would not die.

Who does this guy hate more: Muslims or gays? He did bring up homosexuality twice unprovoked... Better odds.

This is relevant to my tastes!

That’s my motto when searching pornography.

It's such a crock. I had to pay 50 bucks for tabs on a car that was worth 300 dollars last month. No one is going to commit a felony in a Tercel wagon, dammit!

I’m white and I don’t like mayo or potato salads

Or just do what me and my wife did. Let a casual conversation about an acquaintance turn into a revelation that someone performed oral once on said acquaintance. Then, that person then fully lists their sexual and love history. After recovering from this blindside, you reciprocate with a technical list of your own.…

Eats food imported from Central America.

Please give us the wagon version... :(

You take that back, sir!

That kid seems to be enjoying the view of Mariah's ass.

Frankly your boyfriend might be priortizing his friendship with her over his relationship with you.

long distance relationship

About 4 years ago during one of the peaks of the recession, we had lunch with one of our old high school friends. The subject of money came up, as it often does with us poor people, and she said that money was so tight that "she just doesn't think she can afford to tip" when she goes out anymore. You just paid 15…

Exactly. Or hell, if you're not swift in your head on math, turn the damn receipt over and perform a basic math problem. It is 10 seconds of your life.

Don't encourage that. People should be able to do 5th grade level math.

Yes, in fact you do. I was pulled over because my orange pickup did not match the state's database that said it was white (which it was previously). Had to pay for new registration papers and $11.

I can support that endeavor

Particularly when your woman comes up with reasonable excuse #243.