I had so much anxiety about my new doctor approving my request for a refill on Xanax that I took my partially full bottle (prescribed by my previous doctor) to the appointment to prove I was taking it responsibly. She was very amused. I think nothing proves my anxiety more than having anxiety that my new doctor…

On my wedding, I paid for a stylist to do my hair and makeup and also my sisters and my mom. She did my mom first and I thought she looked lovely lovely. Mom went back to her hotel room while the rest of us got ready then a couple hours later when we all gather back again for pictures, my mom's hair and makeup are…

I met a guy via online dating (Yeah, I KNOW. Bear with me here.) We met, sort of hit it off, and hung out (fucked and went for dinner) a couple of times. It was okay.

Back in the day when I was in the dating scene (6 months ago), I began chatting with a woman online. I gave her my number, she texted, I called, we talked for a few hours and I asked her out. We talk each night leading up to the date, but on the day of, she calls and says she has an ear infection. I tell her it's…

I worked with a young girl who called in sick one morning. I told her to get some rest and to let me know if she needed anything. Her reply floored me.

I had an employee who I wasn't allowed to fire because her mother was the EA to one of the self-important people, I mean an executive. There was about a 10% chance of her actually showing up for shifts. Her excuses, however, were beautiful. I can't recall them all, but I do remember the escalating order:

Not a great excuse, but I distinctly remember the first time I realised that you could flat out lie to get out of things you didn't want to do. I was about 9 years old and Sarahs' mum called to invite me over, but Sarah was a bit of a bitch and I really didn't want to go. My mum told Sarah's mum that we had to go to…

I understand.

This isn't that lame, but I think it's the funniest excuse I have heard. I was at work sitting in the boss's office when an employee came rushing in late. The boss asked why.

Grad school, prof. with a strict "no tardies" policy (points subtracted, evil stares, etc...).

Met a girl at her house for a dinner date and was supposed to stay overnight.

My best friend had organised to meet a dude she'd met on MySpace. She was well nervous and asked me to chaperone in case he was a murderer. My boyfriend was on call to provide a bail out excuse if needed.

"I'm sorry I didn't go to you wedding, I was steam-cleaning my carpets."

I had a friend, an attorney I worked with, who missed his jury trials on a regular basis. It was amazing how often the courts actually tolerated this bullshit. We all had to cover for him on a regular basis. Once I was heading to the office and got the call from him, "I've got bad news. I have chest pains and the…

A boy asked me to go ice-skating and I didn't want to go so I told him that I had stomach ache. He said 'Oh well can't you take a Tums'

Worst excuse she thought was bullshit, but was real:

"My hamster was scared."

"I can't promise you I won't cheat on you, because I've already cheated on someone else before. Things just happen. I'll do my best, but I can't promise you anything."

I used to work at a pizza place in high school and one of the girls I worked with would call in an hour before her shift once a week with some excuse as to why she couldn't possibly make it in. I was there for nearly three years and in that time she had about 7 dead grandmothers, 5 or 6 car accidents, horrible…

This week I took 50 high school students to Disneyland. I work at a high school and it IS relevant to the course aims. Two months ago I had applicants for chaperones coming out of my ears, (free tickets and one hour of work will do that) but come the day before and almost all of them force their students to give their…