the first one almost made me cry. if only managers knew that's all any underling dreams of.

what does he imagine the motives are?

p.s. i am sorry that happened to you and it is still raw and all and you get to feel all those feels, but at least all you had to do to get out of this is make a few phone calls and change your FB status, you don't have to wait for a lengthy embarrassing divorce 3 months/6 months down the line.

i mean i love it for dramatic reasons but also it simply IS more efficient than what are you supposed to do according to Emily Post? call every individual attendee? have your mom/a friend call on your behalf? that's bullshit. get it over in one. the last thing you need ot be worrying about is the etiquette of your own…

I LIVE for breakup Facebook statuses don't you dare take this away from me.

Ha hahahaha amazing.

I was thinking of getting my guy a drinking glass boot like from Beerfest! Glad I went another way!

this is goddamn adorable.

the problem with Whoopi's/every uncle on my facebook's opinion is that it's lazy. if this is true, they don't have to do anything else about racism ever. they want to be done. well, it is better than when you were young, whoopi. but we're not done yet. so, STFU.

does francine pascal have a psycho sister, or is francine pascal the psycho sister? that is what i have always wondered.

"i'm going to be totally publicly humiliate you and laugh, what! it's a joke! HR, tell this guy to stop ruining office morale because he can't accept my emotional battery as it is intended! i mean don't ask me to stop abusing my authority! just make this guy laugh! HE's the problem! ha ha ha."

i could deal with the dick; it's everyone else rolling over for this moronic tiny tyrant that has really put a dent in my respect for the company and management as a whole. you're HIS boss, why are you not dealing with this? why are you going ass-up for this guy? do i want to work a place where the boss is so easily…

oh but insisting on clear consent prior to intercourse is insane. maybe notarize that.

it's not about your apology. it's not about you at all.

doesn't confuse me. maybe it's you?

there is a point in a relationship where kissing is cheating and having a tinder profile is not; very early on, before iron-clad exclusivity is established. but after that? i would gut him like a pig in autumn if he dared.

i dunno, but i told the boyfriend if he ever dumps me, we don't have to talk about it or have a big screaming match or anything; just show up, at my door, with a kitten. if i get dumped, i better damn well get a kitten to play with to distract me during the mourning period.

i worked at a 7-11, and the candy aisle lined up with the register. so often, kids would come in and stare at the candy, working up the nerve. put it in their pocket, and then they couldn't not look at me. they couldn't not. i was always staring at them eyes locked. and i just shook my head and pointed and they would…

hey, I've seen this porno

to cover up the smell of charred homeless girl flesh