Australia has a waffle deficiency probably because waffles aren’t actively trying to kill you. From what I understand of our upside-down neighbors, they only like things that are cute, deadly, a combination of both, and beer.

That’s so odd that the kid even asked. I only have my two kids to base my opinion on, but jesus they would never do that. And yes, when your kid does something hideous, you explain to them why they’re being hideous so that others around can hear you and know that you’re not a dipshit. I swear some parents will just do…

She never really explained that to Greedy McWantsit. She told her that she couldn’t have them, but didn’t explain that it’s rude to ask people for things like that. Maybe she did after I left, but I doubt it.

You know what’s awkward? Having an acquaintances 6 year old grab at my charm bracelet and then relentlessly beg me for two of the charms off of it.

You may take my glitter gel, you may rob me of my Gigapet or my Nano baby, my Orbitz which I was never sure if it was water or soda. You can strip me of my copy of Titanic on two VHS tapes. You can cancel Are You Afraid of the Dark and My So Called Life but my will take my flannel shirts from my cold dead hands!

That girl’s parents are pieces of shit. Who lets their kid invite the entire class, minus one, to their birthday party? My parents would’ve canceled the whole party.

Honest to gosh, cross my heart this is true.

“I am not one to slut-shame, I have done slutty behavior myself.”

I know this is late and I’m grey and I’ve probably lost my chance BUT I feel like I might have a winner:

One time on a flight, the baby belonging to the couple seated beside me decided that I was an enemy that needed to be outed and destroyed. This baby, which I had never seen before, gave me a death glare and began reaching over to slap me with its fat little sausage arm. The parents were surprised and mortified. They…

A 3-hour flight on Valentine’s Day a few years ago: Flight attendants rearranged a row of passengers near me to accommodate one woman’s giant stuffed teddy bear. Upon takeoff, I look over and there is the teddy bear, strapped in with a seat belt, enjoying a ginger ale.

Yessss, finally.

I am not gonna lie, I am mildly jealous (except about the arrest part). I miss having a prescription for Xanax. It makes everything better.

So that’s actually a commonly spread mis-truth about the death penalty. Because of the extensive and expensive appeals processes, among other things, it’s actually MORE expensive to sentence someone to death than to sentence someone to life in prison.
Not going to touch your second sentence though, because I think…

Same. The state shouldn’t be in the business of murdering its citizens. We have enough citizens murdering other citizens already, case in point.

I am relieved that he was found guilty, but I am, as always, completely against the death penalty.

Covert makes it sound like a cool spy. Let’s use “insidious” instead.

Lots of people. As a black person trying to buy something right now I shop with a white friend who poses as me so I can see the same places.

And her name is also actually Nimrata Randhawa, and, despite her very best efforts to convince everyone otherwise, she’s Indian.

Before anyone gets the wrong idea about Nikki Haley, a reminder that she is an anti-choice governor who consistently votes for 24-hour waiting periods and pre-abortion ultrasounds!