Dude found a parking place in Times Square!?

Deadspin’s basketball coverage is a mix of multiple voices with multiple viewpoints, but I find it amusing to average them out, unfairly, into a single voice and boil down its principles:

I understand this is a venue where news like this is brushed off with humor, but the concussion situation in football is scary. Most will pass off the revelation that the league’s best player is actively hiding brain damage. He keeps playing, and playing at an extremely high level, so who cares? Right? Those pansy-ass…

Gross.

Ohhhh Brooklyn

Probably it’s not fair to pick on you for a take that I’ve seen written down here in the comments like 500 times in these playoffs, but, I fucking hate this take. You really can’t conceive of any reason to want your team to advance in the playoffs other than a clear likelihood that they’ll be the one team in the…

Nah dode, we’re playing with house money now kid, and we fackin know it.

The play wasn’t called for Olynyk. It was a play with multiple options and he had great position with the much smaller Oubre on him. If the Wiz didn’t have a foul to give, he very likely would’ve scored.

This is why we have the phrase “special place in hell.”

Still pretty baffled that Olynyk, one of the softest players in the game, is being painted as “dirty”.

For a catastrophic injury such as this, you have direct medical expenses - much of which will likely be covered - and indirect expenses which may not be covered (or not at the same level). Those include adaptations to his home, a wheelchair van (including, possibly, a van equipped for him to drive), OT/PT things like…

Harvey needs to remember the old adage:

Annnnnnnd....

Fuck, this hits too close to home for me. A kid that my dad coached from the time he was 9-10 years old was just diagnosed with Stage 3 testicular cancer. He was playing minor league ball in the Royals system and wasn’t feeling 100% healthy, chalked it up to the rigors of playing professional sports. Eventually, they…

Harvey is said to have answered his own door in his pajamas

Medium take: you can knock over someone bigger than you who isn’t bracing themselves off you have a running start

Its the playoffs. Don’t blame Olynyk because Oubre is soft.

Hot take: Shove taking place within the context of a basketball play where the shover gets called for a foul for said act, is fine. Shove taking place after the whistle, where the shover gets a running start to exact revenge for a harder than necessary foul that was already penalized within the rules of the game, is…

Just going to assume this is satire written from the perspective of “If Bill Simmons was a Wizards fan”, and not a sane human’s actual thoughts.