Cox locked herself out of her car and walked to a nearby gas station to phone her boyfriend to bring her a spare; the police wouldn’t allow her to make a long-distance call from the station.

Emily is super confused by playing youtube videos of kittens. She wants them.

It is my birthday weekend and I traveled to see my bestie in the bay. We were going to visit Ikea and have In-N-Out and generally were living life and then we spun out on the freeway and almost died and it was so fucking scary and also…

I care because I think about all the bad sex those poor girls must be having. There’s simply no way a 40 year old guy who only dates women under 25 is any good in bed.

On the last day of school in fifth grade, my teacher gave me his old, worn copy of the BFG (my then-favourite book) with an inscription telling me he was proud of how well I had done that year and that I should keep reading. I had only barely scraped through fourth grade with a great deal of extra attention from that…

The fact that you finished cutting the lawn while this was happening has made you my icon, my hero, my everything.

Yeah, this likely was something that the Deadspinners thought was an amazing hilarious plan. Completely forgetting that a) Mark Shrayber used to post the grossest body stories he could find for our amusement (I miss you Mark!) and b) us Jezzies are not shy about sharing. I have a feeling some of the commenters here…

I had this happen too, I was standing in the back yard about to start the lawn mower when I felt this huge cramp wrack my body, then I passed something huge. My husband was like, “Are you ok?” and I was like, “I think they left some placenta behind and it just came out”. He looked like he was going to faint or die…

I have polycystic ovary syndrome, and during my first week at my first Post College Adult Job my uterus decided that a dramatic entrance was necessary. There I am, sitting in a meeting trying not to let the sheer amount of pain show on my face because of the cramping, when something starts to feel...off. I excused…

I had hookworms as a kid. Tiny, white, wiggly worms that live in your butthole. I saw one sticking out of my poop one day and told my mom, who thought I was just being paranoid and told me to ignore it. Flash forward a few weeks later and it feels like my ass is full of broken glass. I go to take a dump, thinking it…

I gave birth to my first son in a hospital and tore a bit and so I had to get a few stitches (this is not the ew part, I mean ew, but not not OMG FUCK MY LIFE EEW, not yet).

I’m not a regular pooper. I go maybe 2-3 times a week, and it’s not uncommon for me to go a week without taking a shit. I’ve been to the doctor, they say it’s fine but to keep track of how often I go. So for the past 4 years or so, I’ve kept track of my pooping. Maybe a year and a half ago, my boyfriend went to Vegas…

The grossest thing your body has ever done is eat a 1 lb bag of black twizzlers.

Two weeks postpartum, taking a shower, trying to avoid even touching the fiery pus-oozers that were my nipples (thanks breastfeeding), when I feel something fall out of me, followed by a THUNK on the floor of the bathtub. I look down and see a baseball-sized blood clot. And because I was sleep deprived and hungry and…

I have adenomyosis. It causes my period to come out in clots, not in a flow.

Well this was gross and semi-impressive too. When I gave birth to my first I had to be induced. My labor wasn’t progressing like they wanted so the Dr came in to break my water. She told me that I might feel a little trickle and then there was an audible pop and my water sprayed out a good three feet from my body. The…

I had a cyst on my head. It was gross and I had no idea why, as a healthy, normal 24-year-old woman with exceptional bathing habits, I was cursed with such a thing. Anyway. There it sat. Every now and then I would poke at it, get squicked, leave it alone for a few more months.

I was taking a shower and washing my butt, as you do, and pulled on something. Kept pulling. Started freaking the fuck out. Threw whatever it was against the wall and kept freaking out. Thought for sure I had some sort of intestinal worm. It was a rice noodle. That I pulled out of my butt.

Yeah I think Barry forgets that Mark Shrayber used to work here! God I miss Mark.

I lost basically all of my blood out of my back end a couple years ago. Sat on the toilet one morning and woke up on the floor with a large knot on my forehead and a trail of blood behind me. I continued to bleed in the hospital and ended up needing a double bowel resection. I received 16 pints of blood during that…