I was 19 and just found out that I was pregnant, this was my very first holiday away from home and it was also the first time I met my husband’s extended family. My husband was in Germany about to deploy to Iraq, so I stayed in the states and lived with his mom. I didn’t have a good relationship with my mom so this…

I’m reporting in because of the above phrase ‘Refuse you a Cat’, not because this is the worst Thanksgiving Story, but because I’m living this story RIGHT NOW. I am AT THE SCENE. I can only report, it takes much longer for me to process. So here’s the deal:

Then my work here is DONE.

This story only starts out like a horror story. It was horrible for me at the time. My boyfriend and I were celebrating our first Thanksgiving together. It was also just a couple years since my Mom died, a loss which had blasted a huge hole in our family. We scattered after that and had Thanksgivings either alone or…

This is a sad, not funny story, but Thanksgiving is always a little bittersweet for me because it was the holiday I realized my first marriage was over.

You see, young Elvis was a tricky little brat. In Kindergarten, I was riding home with my dad, brother and brother’s classmate. My brother’s classmate was going to be doing a Thanksgiving play, and I decided that I wanted to be in one too! The catch was, it was Tuesday evening, and tomorrow was the day of said play I…

One time my college-age brother, who is bipolar but refuses to be medicated, felt that Thanksgiving was an appropriate time to hold himself hostage with a gun to his head in the back yard, demanding that our dad give him money (more than he already was) to buy drugs. So then the cops came and he was forcibly strapped…

While I was growing up my parents had quite a bit of money. An estate on the Main Line, house in the Hampton’s, blah..blah..blah. After many bad investments and years of reckless spending, the inheritance was gone, as was most art work and jewelry. My parents put the house they had lived in for 20 years on the market…

Here’s mine:

“had feelings while driving down the highway like everyone else in this cruel world”

Um, actually, it is far far far from ideal to treat puppies and/or other living creatures as disposable consumer objects...

*TeamKid

Hey hey hey now. Hey now. Be nice.

Don’t cry because it’s over, cry because I’m going to grey the shit out of everyone before I go.

Oh god. Way too much Eastern European man in love with himself and way too little French Bulldog singing.

I am going to miss you.

When my son was young, he would emerge after a shower and I would say, “Did you use soap?” Without fail, he would respond with, “Oh, MAN,” and trudge back into the bathroom to do it all over again.

2 weeks after I had my 2nd son and actually had already lost most of my weight my mother and I are at Target (I'm holding my infant)and she says (she had 8 children but has never weighed more than 105lbs) “WHEN are you going to lose weight? Why haven’t you started exercising!?” 2 older women (strangers) walked up to…

Oh, my father used to bag on my long-ass eighties metal hair all the fucking time. And so did all of his drunken asshole lodge-brother pals, too. “Jesus Christ, what’s with yer kid’s fuggin hair dere, he one-a dem dere faggots?” and etc. I got the last laugh though, because every single one of those obnoxious jerks…