I just finished our last pamplemousse LaCroix as I clicked on this post. My girlfriend and I kill a 12-pack of these damn things every other day. We aren’t drinking for the month of March and this is our only small pleasure that kinda reminds us of having a drink. Whatever.

There isn’t a book deal out there that could possibly make a dent in his debt.  

I don’t think it’s about putting up a larger than life candidate. It’s about putting up literally anyone who won’t cause the left to self-immolate again. I can already hear progressives braying about how so-and-so is “too corporate” or too this or not enough that. Just fucking rally behind a candidate for god’s sake.…

I’ve been re-watching the entire series and I can’t stop thinking about the parallels between Trump and Michael Scott. Obviously without the humor or Michael’s (for the most part) good intentions. But the general dysfunction of the office, the frequent interruptions to nurse whichever wild idea is in Michael’s head in…

Bartender at a fairly famous Brooklyn restaurant here—

That was my first thought. I’m five years into living in NYC* and I swear it’s a cosmic certainty that the train I’m on WILL delay if I have to poop.

Let’s say Sean Combs (“Diddy”) gets a couple billion together and makes a bid for the Panthers. I’m too lazy to google this—do the rest of the owners have to approve of the sale? Or is that handled between buyer/seller? I really love the idea of Combs coming in and shaking up the white crusty old guy club (and yes I…

So, Trump’s lawyer says Flynn resigned? But Trump said he fired him? Not a good look when lawyer and client don’t agree on the fundamentals of their story.

Ha! My last gasp in corporate America was for a company like that. Big “town hall” pep rallies at the soccer stadium owned by the CEO. One day everyone was geeking out about the stupid fucking town hall, and I looked around me in my grey cubicle, let out a huge sigh with an F-bomb, pulled up my email and quit on the…

Whatever, Uma. Start at home and then I’ll give a shit what you have to say. Her husband once cornered my girlfriend at a party at one of his properties where she was working as a server and stuck his tongue down her throat. Uma was in the room too coked out to care.

I haven’t owned a car in the five years since I moved to NYC, and I’ve never been to LA. Here’s my question—in a jam like this, how common is it for people to simply run out of gas? Are you the biggest asshole in the world if your car dies in the middle lane? 

Ben Affleck is the one factor preventing me from parting with $20 to see this movie.

Fuck off.

Love for my partner, definitely. It outweighs my white-hot rage for the patriarchy.

This is the best of Ban Week. Thank you.

-a lesbian who grapples with the patriarchal construct of marriage and detests the Wedding Industrial Complex, but also loves her pro-marriage girlfriend A LOT. Send help. :)

It’s fine.

The “companion” is an “I’ve berated an assistant manager at Kohl’s on Black Friday” starter pack.

THAT VOICE OF HERS, holy shit. I can just imagine the angry call(s) the park rangers received that day.

“Well, who IS in charge of the bears?!? I’d like to speak to them! NOW!”

The one time I’ve seen Drew speak was in 2013 in Brooklyn, sharing a stage with Tucker Max. Tucker seemed like such a sad sack but Drew was great. I just now remembered Tucker was there as I read this intro.

I’m deliriously tired so perhaps I misread this—but will there still be an option of paying cash to ride? Seems shitty for the folks who don’t use cards or have smartphones.