I will never understand why the default reaction to being really really really mad is to call someone a "fag" or any variation of the word. I'm genuinely amused by this.

And then they start talking about how they don't read books or they say "YOLO" and we're back to square one. Square one is me making up a reason to leave so I can go home and watch Breaking Bad alone.

I have five minute insta-crushes, too! Usually with women, but every once in a while I insta-crush on a guy in a "I wish we were best friends" kinda way. The insta-crush always goes away, especially when the person starts talking.

I've had two male friends (one of whom is one of my best friends), both married, confess that they've had feelings for me for "a while." I'm a lesbian and I've been out for years. Awkward. Sometimes men just don't get it.

She sings the living shit out of every song, which was awesome. I mean, she's so fucking talented it gives me the chills and almost every song turned into a sweet four-minute jam session, which is always a plus. But she's even thinner in person than she ever was on television or music videos. She spoke to the crowd a…

"Let me tell you something about Beatriz Ramos. We were best friends in middle school. (makes a face) I know right, it's soooo embarrassing. I don’t even…whatever. So then in eighth grade I started going out with my first boyfriend Kyle, who was totally gorgeous but then he moved to Indiana—and Beatriz was like,…

And the award for "Heinously Callous Response to a Comment That I Interpreted as Satire" goes to...

"Too gay to function?!" —Barney Frank

I love Twitter. I barely used my account until I quit Facebook, but now I use it quite a bit. Twitter is so different from Facebook for a few reasons:

"I want my pink shirt back!" —Sarah Palin

"All female politicians report to the gymnasium immediately! IMMEDIATELY!" —Barack Obama

I feel the same way about Facebook and cell phones, particularly the text messaging thing. I'm 26 so I definitely grew up with technology, but I feel like I just baaaarely missed the bullshit. I did get a cell phone when I was 16, but it was one of those old (AWESOME) Motorola ones—you know, the commercials with…

I like that. Thank you :)

"Made out with a hot dog?! That was one time!" —Nancy Pelosi

I feel the same way. I don't have kids yet but I'm honestly more afraid of the "Why do we die/what happens when we die?" question than any of the "How are babies made?" questions. At least there's a solid answer for the procreation question. I truly envy the religious folks solely for this issue (but nothing else).…

YES. THIS. "Toddlers & Tiaras" is so so so terrible on about a million levels.

You're the second person this week to talk shit on Jez while using the word "retarded" in an offensive context. You're an asshole. Stop visiting this site if you don't like it, I'm sure Reddit would love to have you back.

Do you live inside my brain!? This is exactly how I feel about it. These guys will talk about HIMYM all day, but when I show them a clip from Parks & Rec, they give me blank faces.

The babies in the top photo are fucking adorable. That's all.

The link isn't posting for some reason, but go to Buzzfeed and search "Sandusky", it'll be in the results. I'll warn you, it's pretty infuriating. It gives me that "why did I even fucking read this?" feeling, not unlike the feeling after reading the comments section on ANY Yahoo article.