1. Anything with the words “Mr. and Mrs.” engraved, embroidered, painted or otherwise inscribed on it. Extra hate points if “Mr. and Mrs.” is followed by his full name.

Had to be done because that shit just looks WRONG

Gimme gimme gimme me me me me me I I I I I I me me me gimme gimme gimme gimme.

I just give cash. I’m lazy.

“And at this point, he hates when we try reading to him.”

Ruth Bader Ginsbark* approves**.

Meh, period trumps no dumb professional photos every day. I mean, who takes professional photos on the honeymoon? Those are staged! Your own photos are fine enough. And going to Disney World for a honeymoon just doesn't seem like a good idea. Of course, Disney in general seems terrible for adults.

The real travesty is how terrible the photos are. Did they hire a monkey?

Getting punched in the face:

(No but for real, love your local library everyone!)

You fuckers better not vote for babies :/

Those are rules that every guy should know. Seriously, they should be taught in a class somewhere.

I seriously could not agree more. I don't need to see your unborn child...I don't need to see your uterus or your placenta feeding said unborn child.

"like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli" always makes me realize I will never write anything this good, ever.

Yes.

The sea was angry that day, my friends. Like an old man trying to send soup back at a deli.

Pure coincidence, they were probably all watching Seinfeld, and the part when George finds the golf ball in the Whale's blowhole came on.