I live in a region populated with outlet malls and people really think they are scoring when they are getting an outlet-priced Coach bag (that feels like it's made out of rubber) for 40% off the "MSRP." Although, some of my favorite and longest-lasting items I've owned have come from Gap/Banana Republic outlet. Retail…

THIS HAD BETTER NOT INCLUDE FILENE'S BASEMENT.

What's also interesting is that on the J. Crew outlet site they list items as:

Prices in any store are arbitrary. I worked at a small clothing store years ago and I did the pricing based on the amount the owner paid, it was usually a 300-500% markup. This wasn't even an expensive store, it was one frequented by a lot of college girls because they could get an outfit for the weekend for $50 or…

Some stores do legitimately get rid of old stock. But if they have a "factory" store, assume it's just lower-quality stuff. Go for sample sales instead. I don't know where you live, but there are several websites that will email you about the ones going on in your city.

Those Starbucks workers stop being nice real fast when you slip and ask for "medium" or something. It's all smiles and "have a great day"s until you don't use their approved lingo. Then suddenly it's death stare daggers and strained, firm corrections. "So you'd like a grande?"

The Senate just confirmed Diane Humetewa, a member of the Hopi tribe, to the US District Court in Arizona. Humetewa is the first Native American woman to ever serve as a Federal Judge. We did it, guys. We solved systemic anti-Native American racism.

Those lyrics are fascinatingly portable to these facts. The folly of man: FLATZILLA.

When I was a latch-key kid in middle school, I used to come home and make "pizza" by putting a bunch of saltine crackers on a plate, covering it with tomato sauce and shredded mozzarella and throwing it in the microwave. The crackers got soggy and I ate it with a fork and even then I knew it was disgusting, but it was…

GO GO Flatzilla! WOOOooooo!

I believe it was Nellie Bly who intentionally exposed herself to yellow fever for a story. Her risk was far more reasonable than the one you took in even ordering the Flatizza. Please, as your friend, I ask you not to be so foolhardy in the future. We need you...

I went into a Subway and asked the young woman behind the counter if I should order one. She made a face and shook her head no emphatically. That was enough for me.

From the picture I thought it was a matzah pizza. And that's not something I want to think about this far out from Passover. So I'll pass.

I would never stop saying FLATZILLA. They really missed a branding opportunity.

They were going to call it the Flizza, but that sounds like a member of the Wu Tang clan.

I was halfway through this post before I realized that I was saying Flatzilla in my head. The name is so stupid that changing it into some weird Godzilla mash-up makes more sense.

Yep, basically a cracker with subway toppings on it. Not impressed.

Because pizza would sue it for defamation.

FLATIZZA IS AN ANAGRAM OF ILLUMINATI #STAYWOKE