Not mine, and it’s super simple, but also incredibly sweet .

My bff and I were having a b’day party, and some friends of mine brought their band to play.  She’d never met the band.  She took a shine to one of their members, who I also didn’t know.  A little bit of recon learned us that said band man was both single, and heterosexual.  She banged him that night, and six years…

Someone suggested my brother-in-law date a certain girl at the college he attended. He did not know her but knew her roommate. He calls roommate for an introduction, but roommate is out. Third roommate answers the phone. Somehow, despite any conceivable reason for doing so, they get to talking.

Not my story, buy my brother’s:

I wonder if “limited” is their code meaning they won’t go so far as talking to Mike Judge or any of the other 3? 4? women who have also accused him of assault/rape.

I also cried at my desk, and this *gestures* is exactly why we need it sometimes.

Honestly, DirtBag is often the only moment of levity I feel like I even have on the internet. 

I’m so so devestated by this news, I’m actually tearing up in my living room. Jezebel and Who? Weekly have been my lifelines in a really hard time. I started reading DirtBag daily when I started college a few months after my mom died. I know celebrity gossip is silly in the face of all *this* (handwaves generally),…

I’m so sad. You’ve brightened every morning for me, you’ll be sincerely missed.

Sorry to see you go, even sorrier you had to go through that horrible thing at your former job. I know what you mean when you say that celebrity gossip feels so... shallow in these times. Yet Dirt Bag was the only thing I read within the last 30 hours that didn’t directly deal with Christine Blasey Ford. Sometimes you…

Every quote sounds like it was plucked from Drew Droege’s “Chloe Sevigny.”

I think the wood-fired pizza oven is my favorite. So glad she recognizes it as a luxury, and even Gwynny can make mistakes and forget dessert!!! See how imperfect and relatable she is? Ha ha ha ha ha!

If this woman said, “Kindness is good” I would question the value of kindness. She is an anti-vaccine snake-oil sales person and EVERYTHING she says should be regarded with extreme skepticism

There is just...so much to unpack here. 

You’re doing the lords work.

This post is a genuine, vacuous delight.

So Pete Davidson’s career is now just being Ariana Grande’s fiancé?

god dammit GP, do not insult cup-of-soup

Remember how Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande adopted a pig and named it Piggy Smallz? Well, the pig is getting bigger.

I used to do this every now and then but it’s been a couple years at this point.. so for old times’ sake, here is a list I’ve compiled of some of my all time favorite Gwyneth Paltrow quotes from over the years: