Me: [Clicking through pictures of ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend on Facebook]

Not afflicted with the small bone?  Nick Foles. 

Andrew Luck 2012: *Takes a sack* Great job, man. Insane hustle. You really got me.

Andrew Luck 2019: You even just look at the ceiling and wish you could stop existing? Like, not die, but just POOF and cease being altogether. Maybe it’s nothing but motionless, soundless black. Complete emptiness. Nothingness. But it’s…

“I mean, I’d never really considered it. What if I really am just a belly-itcher?”

Pretty sure Gruden is eventually going to go plaid.

Inject this straight into my veins. I need this saga to be drawn out as long as possible, bringing the Raiders, AB, and everyone else past their breaking points. I need panicked public statements, I need social media meltdowns, and I need Jon Gruden turning shades of red that even Deadpsin couldn’t photoshop. I love…

Taco Hell?

haven’t seen a brown run like that since the last time i had salmonella

“Sure, I’ll pay it out of my slip-and-fall settlement money, dick.”

These owners really need to stick to sports.

If we HAVE to stand for a specific song, and HAVE to put our hands on our hearts or risk getting jacked are we really free?

Not gonna lie, I lost it at “becoming a rapper”. Live the dream Granny Q.

also it was later shown on video evidence that she was farting underwater, propelling her body forward faster and leaving her competitors behind to deal with wandering fart bubbles

It was a white woman.

Even in Yellowstone, Florida people gonna Florida...

My college roommate and his dad waited for 12 years to get Jets seasons tickets. I went to a Tampa Bay-Jets game with him once at the old Meadowlands. The only thing I remember is everyone throwing paper airplanes and the crowd cheering when one landed in the end zone. So Jets fans have that going for them. Which is…

Holy shit, you went all out on this one.  I don’t think the Jets’ PLAYBOOK is this long.

They tried, but the local Wal-Mart had closed early when they heard she might be in the area.

Thank you for this list! I am so very not interested in giving a tip to the company. I am kind of appalled that companies can get away with this.

I am so tired of media companies being run by wholly incompetent, eager-to-pander-to-the-worst dudes. If I was as bad at my job as Pitaro, I’d resign in shame. To try and go “HEY YOU, I SAID NO POLITICS” when with one of his network’s biggest stars had the common sense to call out racism (something which should not be…