My birthday is a few days before Christmas, and Barbie came out the year I was four. My father was sick that year and in and out of the hospital, and my mom was working nights in a restaurant to support us.

What kind of asshole scratches a "J" into the Roman Coliseum?!

I worked the drive thru at McDonald's as a teenager. I was the perky, "Have a super day!" girl on staff that I'm sure everyone hated. I'm positive they were staring at my back, silently wishing the swift and inevitable crushing weight of adulthood on my chipper demeanor. Who could blame them?

These customers remind me of the dumbest person I ever had walk through the doors of the Borders I managed after college.

I have the feeling that there are enough Iron Shiek stories out there to do a BCO just on him. He's like the definition of performance art.

"It remains unclear why the badger was angry," the article notes.

I got to visit Louise today. She comes home with me permanently in 2 weeks. She is one month old today. Her sharp teeth are coming in, and she is eating moistened and dry dog food.

Nothing important, but so happy to share that, for the ones that may remember me back in January, when I had decided to sell my investment house, I sold it:) In 8 days for a fair market value and that I am closing and finishing with this nightmare thing in less than 2 weeks!

I made a snap decision to cut my hair off yesterday and now my neck is cold. I'm going to bring my Godmother lunch tomorrow so she can teach me how to knit again so I can make a giant puffy scarf.

i can't process that at all

DEFINITELY NOT DOGS I DEFINITELY DIDN'T GET THEM FROM DOGS

Hey! How did you get pics of HQ Von?

Needs to go to IHOP.

Awww Mark I can't stay mad at you.

You say "clickbait," I say "I LOVE THIS VIDEO AND HAVE WATCHED IT 20 TIMES!"

I can't be the only one who hears the lyrics as "amazing cunt", right?

In gif form: