The secret handshake needs to be a jerking-off gesture.

Is it Thanksgiving? Christmas? No? No again? Then why the everloving FUCK is my TV dad ranting like he's half a bottle into the Jameson's?

I am Jack's love of this reference.

Who could be responsible for this?!?

To be perfectly honest, I felt more degraded in a minimum wage, blue-collar, low paying, service job than I ever did doing porn.

That sucks. I suppose that we still need more regulations.

The standard for calling your product "gluten-free" is 20 parts per million. Some people with celiac are sensitive down to 5 parts per million. There's an entire "gluten-free" brand that my friend can't eat because it only follows the 20ppm standard, so there's enough gluten in it to make her sick four times over.

Nope. I know why I'm single, and it has nothing to do with this video :3

Do you ever use your hands as cat toys? You know, poke at him, tickle him, and so on? If so, stop, and only use proper toys. And when he bites you, yell at him, and I mean YELL AT HIM! REALLY FUCKING YELL AS LOUD AS YOU CAN!

I think Kinja ate my reply, but I would love to get one of these! I don't care if it's a $10 ring or a $1000 ring, it just seems like fun.

Wait, so Jezebel can shill a $80 canvas toiletry bag or a $125 necklace made from red string and 0.00001 ounces of silver, but this is scammy?

Let me take a brief break from posting funny pictures.

To all the Canadians saying, "We sent you a sweet 14-year-old and you turned him into a monster, so you have to keep him!":

This is a great example of how there's a difference between the "letter" and the "spirit" of the law, and how strict adherence to only the letter of the law can lead to incredibly stupid outcomes.

Saying "Women do it so it can't be bad" is just flat-out wrong. Oftentimes, the most stringent requirements of how to do womanhood right are forced on women from other women who match those requirements. Sexism is possible from women, and not uncommon. When a woman polices another woman's actions, she draws a dividing…

I've never been called a fake gamer. What kind of delusional shit are you spouting?

They're not similar.

Not even close.

That's inaccurate.