I don't think you're qualified to be judging other people's apologies considering how terrible you are at them yourself.

ERMAGERD THERGH GERP

I almost came on the subway once- I was on my way to work, reading a script for a new play I was in. The script starts getting steamy, the train is bumping and grinding along and the next thing you know my legs slide open and this low moan flies out of my mouth!

"How was that?"

"I just came in my panties."

"WHAT?"

"I said 'I JUST CAME IN MY PANTIES!'"

"YOU WANT TO GO TO OLIVE GARDEN FOR SOME SHRIMP SCAMPI?"

"WHAT?"

Further proves a point women have been trying to make for years: guys, your penis is not that necessary to make us climax so maybe stop ramming it in there like that. You're doing it wrong.

L. O. L.

Anyway. Some guys think their cars are their penises.

Breaking: certain segments of the population like to watch women orgasm on video.

I'll NEVER forget when I saw Howard Stern's movie and the speaker scene happened... woah. I never looked at a speaker the same...

I will take my hug now, please!

You gave me this once, now I'm giving it back.

love you. <3

I think you might want to seek out new bars to hang out in.

Giant roast beast? Check. Yorkshire pudding? Check. Shitload of wine? Check. Friends, family? Check.

Anyone who is a skeptical asshole (like me), you might want to check out Penn & Teller's Bullshit!