The best part will be the random phone calls he gets whenever he picks up his old candle stick phone and places it next to him.

He has to throw the frisbees at someone.

They are the things on the internet you jerk off to.

He's been a shut in for over a decade. Surely he has built a gay robot sidekick by now.

Imagine the lawsuits.

Perhaps this is just cover for a new late night talk show?

It's not as hard as you would think.

Oooh. I would so tune in if she's the love interest and they only speak Scottish at each other. And Peter Capaldi as the doorman.

You call your left hand that too?!?

What happens if the car is not stolen?

The Academy is always terrible about really risk taking documentaries.

Alien was a horror film, Aliens an action film.

Poor Newt, killed off twice for no reason.

Just to make sure I have this straight, I'll need to download my pirated albums on Saturdays, not Wednesdays now.

All music should only be released on 8-Track. Have you ever tried to pirate one of those?

You can't argue with the numbers.

IHOP's analysis of the Ferguson shooting and if O'Reilly's lying were very thoughtful.

My niece used to search my yard for Fraggle holes.

It must be hard living a life without joy, beauty or love.

You read his book?