Seriously. Performative skinfolk wrecked me. 

I do not understand kombucha.

I will now picture you as a bag from Tiffany’s, a lovely blue and petite, with gemstones and jewels inside!

Hey now, I’ll have you know I look exactly like a paper bag in all respects. Color, shape, personality. It’s why I’m so popular.

You nailed it when you said it’s better when they’re older. Loaded up tablets with SpongeBob and games and my 5 & 7 year old were cake for a two week travel adventure.

Hell on Earth is a pre-2000s drive from Virginia to Florida. Anything beyond eight hours in a car can fuck right off.

It’s like you had to have a rope belt, ringworm scars, 4 siblings sharing a bed, rodent pets and a red dye #47 colored tongue to be considered “Black” enough for some performative skinfolk.

“Plus, in my childhood household, parents really didn’t want us to speak to them “like we’re your little friends”.”

I went to Exeter - I still have several gold bullion scars.

ROFL! My score is wayyyyy too high!

Word with a side of 100. Yeah, I know every word to every song on Aja. And I turn “Peg” up LOUD, too.

POINT OF ORDER

1. Good Lord, I love your writing.

I cook kale. Kale is greens. I never eat that shit raw.

It’s hard to see what you look like next to a paper bag on the Internet, fool.

If we’d have had replay counts in the 70's and 80's my Steely Dan Greatest Hits Album + Aja and Gaucho would have been in the high thousands. Yeah, I said it.

Ah, another game of Blacker Than Thou (tm). Why is it that the rich Black kids whose parents enrolled them in Jack and Jill are always trying to prove how “Black” they are to themselves and other Black people? It’s like they’re guilty about something and making up new shit to show that they too, are “cool”, “hip”, “dow…

Sweet potato scene from Ellison's Invisible Man reference for bonus points. You're good at this writing thing, bruh. 

Steely Dan and Jodeci ? I am more of Sade and Peter Gabriel 

Whoah he got rolls of quarters thrown at him?