Ouch

All the above. When you hide booze from your kids you put it in something they wouldn’t touch. I hated cleaning the pots by hand and the Brillo splinters I got from said manual labor.

“her “Shut Up Until You Pay Some Goddamned Rent” oral argument”

True but in Janiah v Her Mama there's no mention of drunkenness being a factor in the placement of the keys. 

Our fridge top was the repository for the Post-Halloween candy rations when we was little.

I like Ikea. But I only buy knick-knacks or other such household accesories. I dont mess with their furniture. I mean, Ikea furniture is fine for a college graduate’s first apartment, or a young couple’s starter home. But between my above-average sized husband, my still-growing teenage son and my crazy ass dog, an…

Paper towels and cereal.* If I had a pantry, maybe the top of my fridge would be clear, but I don’t, so it ain’t. But my best friend has a pantry AND keeps stuff on top of the fridge, so. Top of fridge = shelf.

the top of the fridge is where the candy goes, ‘cuz I can’t reach it without a step-stool.

Shit I'll have to try that next time I make bread! I'd been turning my oven on and letting it sit on top of that. It works well enough, but I don't want to be leaving my oven on if I don't have to.

The assembled justices listened to oral arguments from Miss Hattie Mae Jenkins, whose refrigerator was topped with framed photos of her trip to the Bahamas, her nephew’s graduation and one Polaroid with a man who Miss Jenkins said “ain’t shit,” but was displayed because she said her “tiddies looked good in that…

So THAT’S how people raise dough now that stoves don’t have pilot lights!
Thank you, and, yes, I am old.

Imma file a supporting brief on this. Our house is a small IKEA outlet, though we may be covered under the concurring opinion that points out that lesbian households are required to have a percentage of IKEA furnishings of greater than or equal to 10% so that one partner can demonstrate her skill with an allen wrench. 

Justice MyKinja: According to Momma v. Daddy 1974, all surfaces can be a shelf. However, not all surfaces are suitable for cooling of pies or storing brown liquor in a Brillo box. A refrigerator top has been found to have the right amount of warmth and humidity to keep all manner of edible and inedible items preserved…

It's where bread dough rises.

Depends on how ish looks when it’s up there. That picture referenced above-Nah. That’s a hot mess-not a shelf, case closed.

As a fellow bearded man, I can appreciate the frustration with costumes. It’s almost impossible for me to find a mask that covers everything and doesn’t leave like two inches of beard poking out the bottom. I also truly don’t understand why they don’t put some gawddamn ear holes in Halloween masks. YOUR OWN VOICE IS…

I love your take on the holiday!  Were I a kid I would totally trick or treat at your house

Get a garbage bag, duct tape, and stick-on letters from Home Depot. Make a tunic out of the garbage bag, decorate it with duct tape, and then use the stick-on letters to write “FUTURE GUY”.

You “The Big Joker is the Guarantee Joker” nyuckas is wrong, wrong wrong. The Big Joker is the BIG. JOKER.