What about the one with the Christmas tree and the stack of presents? I have, I shit you not, seven different pictures of seven different sets of cousins spread out over three states and two decades, with the ONLY common denomenator (other than being related to me via a shared grandparent) being their parents taking…

Let me finish this Sparks real quick them I’ll be REAL ready to tackle this for you.

“Most people don’t find the things me and my friends do very funny, just immature, so I didn’t expect to get this big of a reaction”

Pierce Brosnan in Goldeneye is fucking brilliant. That movie is fucking brilliant. It’s top 5 Bond, honestly, even though it’s somewhat 90s dated now.

Have you actually READ Fleming? His Bond referred to Koreans as apes. His Bond viewed sex with Vesper (Casino Royale) as having “the sweet tang of rape” because he knew she was keeping a secret from him.

I would have taught him how to read by spelling words on my vulva.

If the actual ceremony is absolute torture to you, skip the ceremony. Lots of people do.

I didn’t get to have a wedding because my parents didn’t like him, his parents didn’t like me and I was pregnant. Now we’re 8.5 years in, we have a great kid, parents have chilled out and we actually kind of all love each other now, and I really want to have a big 10 year anniversary party with fancy dresses and a lot…

I feel like this is an installment of Adequate Man waiting to be written.

Much as I hate defending Gwyneth Paltrow, I have both her previous cookbooks and have cooked extensively from them, and the recipes are overwhelmingly both accessible and delicious. I can think of six or seven in particular just off the top of my head that have become part of my regular weeknight rotation. She may be…

As maids of honors and brides maids, our job is to fill the shoes we don’t want our mothers to be in, including getting a little too close to the chubby male stripper who tries really, really hard. I miss you, chunky cowboy man. I miss you.

I don’t understand the taboo of declaring early pregnancies on the chance of something going wrong. Fact is, 1 in 4 pregnancies will end in miscarriage. Now that we have extremely early home pregnancy tests, what used to be what a lot of women thought was a “bad period” is an early miscarriage. I think it’s weird that…

In the past hour or so you have professed a love for Whataburger and Shiner...

They’re like 20 feet away, and one of my best friends in the whole wide world works there, so

Whataburger!

If The Daily Show had any effect on our actual political culture, it was probably to the benefit of conservatives. In its absence, many young liberals might have confronted the George W. Bush years and engaged in actual political projects, like the campus left of the 1960s.

Can we send them bootstraps?

Could be worse...