So...

Why else do you need a pulse oximeter on your sleeping baby?

That’s all well and good, but when you use the “You’re not a parent” line to an actual physician/medical researcher, particularly in defense of your debateble snake-oil product, you lose.

As a parent, there is literally nothing more bullshit than the “you’re not a parent, you can’t know [INSERT HERE].” My blood pressure spikes the instant that those words are uttered/written.

What kind of freak can avoid deodorant until 11am?

She went to their HS reunion here a few years ago...I drove my mom to the lunch at the local burger place the next day just to say I met her.

Imma let you finish, but she went to high school and college with my mom. They were friends.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Response: Please drop me off a couple blocks before school Dad. I’ll walk the rest of the way.

Scale of 1-10, how scared are you guys of the Hulkster signing your paychecks this time next year?

Either ban your dogs from the bed or invest in a NON-DRY CLEAN ONLY comforter and water proof mattress pad. Budget $50 every time you have to dry clean your comforter.

This guy needs to invest in “bath sheets”. That’s the technical term.

I have never seen this boy scout popcorn of which you speak. Where I live, they appear to sell Blue and Gold sausage, which is wonderful and delightful and worth buying by the pallet.

Worth noting - Aubrey drove a compressed natural gas-powered vehicle. Engulfed in flames is right.

You just said in less than 100 words what Jonathon Chait has spent the last two years trying to say. Start sending pitches to New York Mag this instant.

Had dinner next to ol’ Steve and his family tonight. His kids were hilarious. He was also wearing what every other dude in the restaurant wanted to be wearing - fleece, gym shorts, running shoes - but couldn’t pull off because we weren’t 6'10" multimillionaires.

Isn’t She Great is a classic that I will defend to the death.

Thanks for the recommendation, Mister Frommer.

Starred for the Columns Hotel.

Again, the Carousel if you’re there.