12. It’s eyeliner and a sly glam tribute to Bowie.

3. Tom Brady snapped at him when he tried to pull Brady’s face out of a bag of dog treats he left lying around.

12. Horrific motorboating accident.

All those idiots signed that petition and they still couldn’t get a fucking Dr. Pepper.

According to how I play Call of Duty, they didn’t throw enough grenades.

Waiting for the Tier -4 Operationally Operational Operators to come in and tell us what was done wrong.

Because they only have torque converter automatics. Ba dam pssssh! Jalopnik joke.

Ever seen Behind Enemy Lines? The badass team leader always wears a track suit.

Nice cammo

I’m a big fan of college football, but a friend and I refer to blown coverages and missed tackles as “every defense in college football”.

If it wasn’t blown coverage, it was completely whiffed tackles in 1-on-1 situations that broke plays wide open (as well as the Coker run at the end when Clemson absolutely needed the 3rd and goal stop). Whether it was excellent evasive cuts or just bad tackling (the answer usually is “a combination of both”), Clemson…

That was the most perfect onside kick I’ve ever seen. They’ve probably been practicing that every day for about 6 years.

Dude this is Deadspin. It’s not cool to actually care about the game.

Guessing he doesn’t crush a lot, either.

And probably a PS4.....and I’d track down an N64 and Ocarina of Time.

yes but the average winnings of those 90% are in the slightly more than $5 million dollar range.

Saw this on my FB and commented “Glad to see No Child Left Behind was a resounding success.”

Bookmarked to read later.

Raph’s alternate headline: