Dear Miss Rand,

When I met my first serious girlfriend she was reading a copy of The Fountainhead on her lunch break. Current day me would read that as the giant flashing red warning sign it is.

Absolutely. Kids need to be more like adults . . . especially halfwitted libertarians. The world would be so much more tolerable.

I deeply enjoy this.

Yeah, 'cuz nothin' makes a kid straighten up and fly right quite like twelve paragraphs of self-important bloviating.

I don't think I've seen someone write 'kids these days' in a non-sarcastic manner in years. Well done! Are you secretly the ghost of Andy Rooney?

I have not met a single thing that so poisons and ruins the mind of an otherwise intelligent and reasonable person than her writings.

It's kind of bullshit that she doesn't sign off as "Your Aynt"

Much like most of her modern adherents.

I'd watch that. I'd watch about the first 15 mintues of that turn it off and then spend a year scrolling past it disdainfully as it falls further and further down my Netflix List.

An innocent request for 25¢ for a hamburger today, to be gladly repayed on Tuesday, leads to one of the great porn films of the 1940s: "Ayn Rand Meets Wimpy!"

Also, this letter is in being licensed by a real-estate mogul to become a trilogy starring Melissa Joan Hart as Ayn Rand, and one of the tumors from Ann Coulter's carapace as the niece.

She says she doesn't know this relative, and $25 in today's money is about $250. So if some relative I'd never met asked me for $250 for a flippant cause, I might troll the crap out of them too.

This was essentially my grandfather when I took out a $1200 loan from him for my first car. Had to pay it back in payments of $100 a month at 6% quarterly interest.

Honestly she seems like she would be absolutely defenseless against even a casual troll.

Ayn Rand would be so fun to troll.

That man is amazing. He was only a lieutenant, but he's raping at a full bird colonel level. What a loss for the Army.

This whole story felt like a due process trap door. As I read it, I kept thinking "yea, there's gotta be two sides to this and he's innocent until proven guilty..." and then the shit hit and the trap door opened. Holy shit what more do you need to show that you were raped by someone? I am a Colts fan and I really,…