These comments should be pleasant and uncontroversial.

such great news!! This show is so perfect. Like a Bed Bath & Beyond coupon that never expires. ha!

This show is so completely excellent.

All those fucking phones held up the same way, and the stupid look on all their faces. It really is just another version of the zombie hoardes.

I don't know if fame is worth the money.

calling this a shitshow doesn't even begin to cover it.

When interviewed later, Rihanna said she had no recollection of swarms of people. At that particular time, all she could see were dollar signs.

I feel like this is a direct response to all the common-taters who were all "Ugh why does JenLaw need to take a year off? Being a celebrity is so easy!" on yesterday's news.

I do not understand this behavior on any level, and I am saying this as a fan. I am one of those dopes who has waited in lines at cons, waited at stage doors (in small groups), and I understand the kind of fan who waits hours to stand behind a fence at a red carpet or the like. But what does this get you as a fan?…

Would have cost more than the hospital visit.

You leave Ernie Anastos alone. He's the man who brought us "Keep fucking that chicken!"

Same here. I only plan on the one, but if I were to have another, I can just envision this scenario happening to me. "I'm in labor! I'm in la-oops, never mind."

Is this Jimmy Kimmel's most elaborate prank yet?

This baby will never be sick. A filthy sidewalk in NYC has fortified this child's immune system to levels never seen before.

A guy held the door open for me the other day and I immediately invited him over so that he could fuck my wife and make me a cuckold.

Many good actors disappoint me in real life (notable exceptions: Bryan Cranston, Jennifer Lawrence). It's best not to try to get to know them.

If you're going to be an asshole and a troll, at least be intelligent about it, not just resort to 'UR FAT SO LOL'

All of these people are extremely attractive. The End.

Alec Baldwin is less sad if you imagine Jack Donaghy saying the things that come out of his mouth.

"I won't be in tomorrow, Lemon, I'm being subpoenaed by the Gay Department of Justice."

This is still only the 100th most controversial thing said by someone named Ford in the last few months.