I just think of The Simpsons episode where Mr. Burns hires the hypnotist for his softball team...

Doesn’t some langauge have a word for feeling joy at others’ failure?

I believe the German word is “Saskatchewan.”

When he woke up, he was in Hogwarts.

Vikings should sign that concrete post. It’s shown it can stop guys in Eagles jerseys

If they had greased that pole, he would have slipped by it.

You know, I love to drink, and I like to cheer on my team with a decent buzz. I don’t understand how people can get so liquored up hours before the big game. What’s the point?

Think of the skeeziest bar you’ve ever been to, with a staff who caters to the worst crowd imaginable, that my friends is what it’s like to go to an NFL game in 2018.

“Fortunately, all the throws appeared to miss.”

Does this sound like a man who had “All you can eat”?

I heard Guillermo Del Toro went into an In-N-Out and ate everything in the In-N-Out and they had to close the In-N-Out.

The Portnoy system just doesn’t have the same success rate though.

A lot of people don’t realize that the drone was in the sky, ok? And there is so much sky in Yemen, there is really a tremendous amount of air sky there. Everywhere you look, especially if you look up, there is sky. And the missile that they shot, and by the way this drone that was hit by the missile was built during…

Also to be added to this list - how much they fucked the native podcast app. Everything is at least 2 clicks now instead of one. Just, fucking, WHY apple? WHYYYYY?

College overtime rules are the best. Exciting and efficient. I agree though that it inflates stats, and would impact fantasy football, over/under bets, and prop bets.

South Park explained it best