“The Beast With Two Side Dishes”

Today I learned there’s more than one song about racist friends.

Let me know when I can buy two stalks of celery instead of a whole bunch I won’t use before it goes bad.

Angie stays being a weird asshole

I don’t know, I can’t keep up with them.

Shame he didn’t spend anything on not being a wifebeating cunt.

I got “patriotic herpes” from sexually assaulting the Hank Williams statue outside the Montgomery Convention Center.

Well it is made of wood.

and if it does, its probably a witch.

Are you assuming it’s Brazilian based on the very sparse foliage?

He makes me think he’s a derpier version of Mathew Perry.

Had to get a new home number once due to a stalking X.

In any other situation, we would have just bailed. We’ve left restaurants in the middle of a meal because of a meltdown. We’re very conscious of “inflicting” our kid on others. I would have no problem turning the car around if she was throwing a temper tantrum, but luckily, she’s great on car rides and I’ve never had…

Yeah so not kicked off but... my then girlfriend, now Wife, and I were on a plane coming back from vacation. It was a 3 hour flight and we both must have ate something that was not settling well with us. We were both letting off stinkers left and right. Now I though it was just me creating this stink and she thought…

Im sober reading this and so so jealous of both of you right now.

We call that Freedom Foam.