Nice penis.

I like it. Pushing the limits while remaining tasteful. I do think three 23" TVs is a bit much. Two 32" TVs would have been more restrained while still having the necessary viewing ability that the backseat of any car necessitates.

I would like to see some sort of analysis on the number of pairs of shorts he is wearing.

I would even go a step further and say even if he has sex with another woman, he still ultimately comes back to you. So no bigs!

I couldn't help but laugh about kids smoking Smarties. What a tedious way to get the same thing smoking Pixie Sticks delivers.

You son of a bitch!

I don't have a safe :(

What's your 40 time?

Rasmus?! c'mon.

I'm not seeing it. Luck is more scrappy, sneaky fast, and a hard worker.

I don't have a junk drawer. I have a junk house.

Anytime the Chiefs celebrate it's considered excessive because they really have no reason to celebrate anything.

I sort of thought that was all people ate down there, and then wash them down with a Fosters.

What constitutes getting a life? Watching a football games all day and not checking fantasy stats?

Is it true that there are no blooming onions in Australia?

Didn't he make closer to 90 million? Or is he saying 60 million because Obama has been taking his money for the past 20 years?

This story is completely true, and I have more if anyone is interested. I moved into a new apartment. It was just a 4-plex so it wasn't a huge place. I know it's best to look at the actual apartment that you will move into, but the property manager kept making excuses as to why I couldn't view my actual apartment.…

I bet your dad was having an affair and he blamed the bed being messed up on the dog! LOL, classic father stuff.

Not one misspelling by my count! Good job!

I'm guessing you had a stroke.