I’m pregnant and ordered a lox and cream cheese bagel the other day. The woman working the counter said “you know you shouldn’t be eating raw fish, right?” I told her to give me my fucking sandwich. Little did she know it was the cream cheese trying to kill my fetus all along!

Megyn Kelly is the opposite of a journalist. She’s the crazy member of a mom’s Facebook group who they keep around because everyone secretly likes reading her crazy, crazy posts.

I was planning on posting that. She’s got it all - she’s a D.A.R. and the daughter of an immigrant. She’s multilingual. She’s a vet. She understands life as a disabled person and a woman of color. She’s super educated - BA, MA, PhD. She’s a badass and I want her to be my president.

Is it sad to say that as an extremely single 33 year old, the fact that she’s 49 and having a baby gives me real hope that I might be able to do this?

What, they don’t have the ‘if you have sex you’ll get AIDS and get pregnant and DIE’ classes out there?

She’s an escort now. If you follow her Instagram, she doesn’t even really try to hide it. I’m sure a lot of retired actors do this, but she’s putting it all out there. There is also an article from years ago about older men bringing her gifts (during The Canyons).

YES! The juice part was the most DAMNING evidence that she was in on the scam (to me at least). She and Brooks both wore shirts and talked about how he stopped taking chemo and was feeling better and they had that juice lady come by and talk to them about it!

He’s definitely damaged by horrible parenting at the very least. There was a scene last season where his mom came to visit him. She went on and on about how perfect and successful he was and then said Kristen was going to be sterile because she was “mean” to him. As much as I hate Kristen, holy shit.

This time, the witches are hunting.

It’s basically DIY Dunkaroos! Same concept holds for pretzels/graham crackers and giant jars of Nutella.

Two years out of college I lived in a cottage with my best friend and, during the rare evenings we weren’t both working, we watched a lot of Hallmark Channel movies while dipping Teddy Grahams in Funfetti. Just thinking about it gives me a headache now, but what I’m trying to say is that there is a time and a place…

I find it interesting (though not really) that the people who defend Depp by saying that he wasn’t previously abusive can’t manage to take into account that he’s gone through many behavior changes in the past few years that he also didn’t necessarily exhibit before. He used to be a pretty good actor, now he’s a…

Re: Johnny Depp - He’s full of decency and kindness

One person claiming abuse is enough.

I doubt the Killers will be playing the Royal Wedding, although that would be hilarious. Can you imagine the Queen rocking out to the Killers?

Not even the general beat reporter at the Daily Buttwipe is going to guarantee the outcome of an election based on a news story.

This is hands down, the best and only Poldark reference I will ever send anyone if I want to introduce them to the show. Nailed every single one of these Jacobian primadonnas and then some.

This show is my fucking JAM. Okay, so its my extremely guilty-only-admit-to-it-on-the-internet JAM but whatever. Still counts.

I think Hugh should have been number one on this list followed by Drake. They were the eye candy of this season. Drake all bare chested and oooo.

I love this show and I love this analysis even more! Just one more episode left to study those sex stares before I return to Outlander.